birthday

well my birthday is getting really close. actually it is tommorow. and i have come to the conclusion that i am just an odd person. i know there are a number of reasons for me saying this :P but i have one main reason for pointing this out now. i am an odd person becasue for the past month i have been counting down the days till my brithday all excited about being nineteen. you know, it seems like an important age. reason to be excited. but now that my birthday is one day away i am no where near as excited. i am actually the oppisit. im kinda like wow i dont really wanna get older i dont wanna grow up. i mean 19 will be a fun age. the time when i can leagaly drink. and go to clubs and all that fun stuff. but it also means more responsibility. i have this bad habbit of sometimes not wanting to acknolage or accept responsibility. i really dont wanna grow up. i wanna saty 18. 18 seems like a decent age sure you cant drink but you can do every thing else. another thing is that 90% of my friends are younger then me. whats the fun of being old enough to drink if you have to wait for your friends.


i have this bad fear of growing up, of getting old. and i know there is this whole thing that people say like no matter how old you get you can still be a kid. and i think i do a decent job of proving that saying. but still honestly i find myself getting scared at the idea of one day being old...being that old lady in a scooter. and i know that is a long way away. but i dont want it to come, i want to stay young. i dont want to get so old that i trun into one of thoes old ladies who cant even function, who gets put in a home just because she is too much hassle to look after even if her family does love her. i dont wanna become that old lady who becomes a hastle for her family.

i know that im overthinking this whole age thing way too much because honestly im only turning 19 im still young. but something struck me the other day. i know my dad was totaly joking but he said "wow your going to be 19 in a couple of days. that means i can legally kick you out of the house". and i was kinda like what..... no.. he was kidding and thats not going to happen.

but on the upside of all this fear i get to go out to bosten pizza and get a vodka slurpie. on thrusday (the day affter my birthday). so that should be fun... maybe just the fact that im excited over a vodka slurpie proves that im not really growing up that much.

i dont want any beer or champaine or anything nice along thoes lines. give me the surgary drink filled with crap and booz. how much do you wanna bet im not even going to like the taste of it ?:P