my wondering mind

i find it interesting how our minds skip from one topic to the next here is an example for me how i was thinking at work:


owww my sholder blade hurts.
i think i pulled a muscel
its getting better hopefully it stays that way
i google sholder blade pain and two main things came up although i dont trust google i have one of two things happend. either
a) i pulled a muscel, or
b) i have cancer

i highly doubt its cancer considering that google is not a doctor and also considering the fact that it does not hurt as much as it did two days ago it cant be cancer.
cause according to google it can only be cancer if it stays the way it is or gets worse.
stupid google thinking i have cancer.
that would really suck if i had cancer.
i would hate to go through all that treatment.
what would happen if i got cancer and then was told i only had a month or less to live. like that guy in the movie one week.
i dont know what i would do...but i wonder how many people would be sad about me dieing.
well i know people will be sad but what would be the depth of their sadness.
who would cry???? would karen cry she never crys but i think she would cry.
would addy cry...i think so also but i can also see her just having alot of rage.
i have no idea what shannon or chris' reactions would be...they would be sad, i hope. but would chris cry...i dont see him crying. not because it was me but because i just cant picture him crying.
now would shannon show rage or sadness....i donno.
fiona would be sad i know that for sure.
what about matt....oh god i dont want to think about that

why am i thinking about peoples reactions if i were to die. why does it make me happy to think of them being sad over the fact if i died.

i think its because knowing that they are sad over me being gone in a weird sort of way deffinitly shows how loved i am. even though i know that im loved.

love is a word that gets thrown around way to offten. and it is losing its purpose. i myself am guilty of doing this even though i try not to. even with simple things like i love my convertable. oh man i really have to practise driving more so i can drive that car. then i have to get my full licence. but that costs money. and i want my money to go towards california with fiona. so we can have fun and dress like hippies. that will be fun. i like being a hippy even though it annoys will.

sometimes its fun annoying will i should stop doing that. i know sometimes i cross the line and get away with it just because im a girl. which is stupid i should stop doing that and start considering things. okay zeppelinphan try not to annoy william.....as much. cause i feel bad when i annoy him. and then he retaliates. and then matt trys to defend me. then william is mad at both of us...and matt seems mad at him. thats not good. i feel like im damaging there friendship. i never want to be that girl friend that damages friendships. i allways hated thoes girls. so i dont wanna be one of the people i hate...

owww my sholder still hurts