this week for me has definitly been filled with its ups and its downs. i had to go to a funeral and then a wedding the next day. and i feel kinda bad that i bailed out of the second half of the wedding. this was because of some drama and other shit that i had on my mind that day and i realy could not stand being around a buch of people. i know that makes me kinda sound like a jerk but i could not do it. i had to get away from the giant groups of people and just going to my group of friends. my little serious coffee group. i swear we are almost becoming like a self help group. once a week we gather at sc, get some food or something to drink and just sit there, and talk. i mean we talk about everything. sometimes its retarted stuff, full out immature talks about sex and dumb penis jokes. but other times we seem to get into deeper conversations about the big things like life, love and faith. we talk about who we are what we want to do with our lives and wear we want to go. i know that group has had so much drama in it over the time. and there are people who dont like going sometimes or who have just stoped going altogether. i mean i have had feeling of not wanting to go and hang with the group sometimes. but then there are the times when i feel like i need them. these are some of the main people who support me in my life. and it amazing how long it took for me to notice how important these people are to me, and how lucky i am to have all of them as friends. (wow this is getting sappy).

there are so many examples that i could list of how they are great and how they support me and have helped me at certain times. but i would there would have to be a blog entrie for each person to go into enough detail. so the one person that i am going to use in this example is chris (yep thats right christopher you get a blog mention, yay!!). so saturday i was not having a good day, weird drama shit occured with one of my friends, that even know i have sorta talked out with this person but we have not quite settled it. partly because im not fully ready to rant to them. any way because of all this shit that was going on in my mind i skiped out on the second half of one of my really good friends sarahs wedding. i know thats going to come back to kick me in the but. sent her an e-mail trying to explain and apologise but she is newly married and probs to busy to check e-mail. anyway chris could tell that i was not ....happy to say the least. and i talked with him for a bit then he asked me to go for a walk. this is one of the things that i love about chris (yes this can be a gundam point). his ability to make little offers like going for a walk and talking but yet in the end, you gain a great deal out of them. he is one of thoes friends where it is clear that he does truly care and he does want you to be happy. not just because he him self does not wanna be around emo people (if that were the case he could just go home) but because he does not like seeing his friends in that state. or at least thats the way i get it. he has this great power to actualy listen to a friend in need, which can seem like a simple thing but it is surprising how many friends even though they may not be talking are not actually listening.

anyway he made me feel way better. and after that talk my week seemed to just go upwards from then. i started to reflect on my grandmas funeral more. i did it alot. it was actually quite cool for a funeral. let me put it this way. my grandma graduated from nursing school in 1952. there were about maybe only 30 people who graduated that year including her. 7 of these people from that school came to her funeral. on of them was her roomate of 2 years. i found that really cool. i found it neat that after all these years these people who went to school toghether who were in their own little group were still hanging out, comming together it was really cool to see them. made me wonder if i am the one to die first in my little group of friends how many of the sc group will come to my funeral? will they have interesting stories to tell about me? have i left any kind of decent mark on my friends..that has impacted there life on a meaningful level..all the penis jokes aside. its funny right now i can picture karen yelling at me saying something like "fuck yes you impacted me laura" then going on a huge speal..yet still i wonder.

my dad said something pretty awesome at my grandmas funeral that i have also been replaying. my grandma had a water closet apperently were people would just write up quotes..she contributed to alot of them, quotes that she really liked. quotes would always get replaced..drawn over by new ones. it was not often that just one would stay there. there was one quote that my dad said that did stay writen up for a really long time. anyway this is what he said at the funeral (taken from his notes that i found on the compy)

"

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and
the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to
find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a
healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know
even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to
have succeeded."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mom, your life was a success, and I love you."

this quote touched me..hearing the stories of my grandma touched me she did everything in this quote from what people said at her funeral. she accomplished so much. and i cant help but wonder have i been succeding in life? or could i try just a little bit harder?