so im losing money. i realize i spend way to much money. not all at once, but a little bit at a time. the thing is when you hear this you instantly think oh thats not good. oh thats bad. but i have come to realize that losing all this money is making me happy. well not the fact that the money is going it self but the reason why it is going. all my money is dissapearing becasue i am spending it on friends. im funny that way yes i spend money carlessly i guess but it is never careless on my self. here is an example of this.

me in a store: "hmm i really want this thing for myself but even though it is only 8 bucks i should not spend the money"

ten minutes later me in different or exsact same store: " omg look at this it would be perfect for (insert friend) it may be 50 bucks but i absolutly have to get it for this person, they will love it".

im bad a saving money when it comes to myself but i love spending money on my friends. weather its paying for dinner for some friends who them selfs are saving up money for school or cant afford it (chris, fiona, addy). or seeing some gift that i have to get for someone (karen, chris, shannon, addy, fiona. any friend actually all depends on what i see in the store). i did that today actually. i went out with my friend brynn and i bought 6 things, only two of thoes things were for me.

what i bought was :

sandals: for me i needed thoughs i have a pair but they are going to break soon...i can tell.

3 buttons: one of them was for me i thought it was funny. another one was for addy i think she will laugh when se sees it although i dont know if she will actually wear it but it will make her laugh and make her happy that is all that matters. and the last one i got for karen. i figured she would love it and wear it. and it will make her happy i actually called her right after i bought it just so that she would be happy. i love making people happy.

1 water gun: well brynn bought one also. i was originally planning on buying this...he he he brynn and i are making evil plans so it is needed.

1 potted sun flower: this was for my mom. i saw it when brynn was buying flowers for his mom for her birthday and i had to buy it. my mom loves sun flowers and i knew it would make her happy and she would love it for her garden. let me put it this way. my mom loves sun flowers so much that when we were in france my mom snuck into a feild and stole someones sunflower. my dad got annoyed and said linda you cant do that, so my mom being emo droped the flower and felt guilty for the rest of the night...to spite my dad when we got home she bought a fake plastic one and stuck it in the lawn and was like "there george...now i have my own friken sun flower that i did not steal" he loled. well now that my mom has a proper garden, i bought her a real sun flower.


yes i like making people happy,....that is why im poorish. oh and for anyone who is going to comment and say oh zeppelinphan stop spending money on me, you dont have to do that, save your money. im just warning you. if im in a store and see something thats like omg i know someone who would love that... there is a 90% chance that im still going to buy it and still be short money. i just cant help it. im poor because i care, im poor becasue im compulsive. im poor because i want my friends to have what they like, because every one deserves to get random presents just for the sake of getting a present. not because of birthdays, or anniversaries, or whatever. its nice to just get random presents.

**************************************************************************************
(stars are my very obviouse subject change)

random off note i have to say something funny that happend today before i went out with brynn and went shopping.

so i had laundry on the line to dry instead of using the dryer becasue it was a nice sunny day out.

anyway my mom wanted to put her stuff on the line so she asked me to take mine off. and this is the conversation . (keep in mind it started with her talking to me not my dad)

mom: "grab your underwear and seee if its dry so you can take it off and ill put mine up" (again talking to me about my laundry)

my dad gets out of his chair and walkes up to my mom

puts hand jokivly down his pants ,dad: "well i could take it off. but its a little bit wet i think thats cause i peed a little"

me: rofl..omg dad..lolololol

mom: omg go away, why do you always do this to me

me: "dad you have done this to mom before?"

dad: *just smilles and laughs*

mom: *jokative tone* "i hate you guys*...she says this with a smille on her face




....i love my family

so even thougt its not for about two months. and nobody has to get me anything for my birthday. but if for somereason some of my friends out there really feel an urge to spend money on me i direct you to this link.

http://woodstocktradeco.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=WDSTK&Category_Code=ZEPALL


anything from here would make me more then happy

ya im a phan

as most of my friends now i am a huge phantom of the opera fan. and if your not my friend and your reading this im pretty sure it would be easy to figure out by my first coupld very embarassing immature blog posts. any way i have alot of phantom things: i have about 3 copies of the gaston leroux book becasue they are all different translation, i have a piano book, i have two coppies of the susan kay book one is hard cover and one is not, i have a pamflit from when i went a saw the play, i have one book called the journey of the mask (bad published fan fiction), i have a plushy phantom doll the my friend amy made for me, i have a drawing of christine and erik that my awesome friend karen for me, the cd with the music, two books that with the 2004 movie scriped and the actual play scriped that containe detail about the actors and the stage and all that other stuff. i have the 1925 movie version, the 2004 musical version, and on its way becasue i oredered it off of amazon a 1990 mini series version. needless to say i am obseesed i have alot of crap. the sad thing is that this is not my only obsession there is also led zeppelin which im not even going to go into all the led zeppelin stuff that i have.


any way i love phantom of the opera i love the idea of the anti hero. they guy who fights soo hard for something. even thought all the shit that he has been in his life. and unfortanitly in this story it does not end out so well. im not going to go into great detail incase there are some people here reading this who have not read the orginal book , which i highly recoment you do read. might be hard to get into at first but is great. this story is a love hate realationship for me. i love the phantom. i see him as amazing well you know for a crazy girl kidnapping psyco. i guess i find myself defending him saying look at his life look what he went through. he is not fully crazy he is in love and does not know how to express it. i mean look at how socioty has treated him. rideculed him shut him down, pushed him aside his entire life. tried to kill him. screamed and fanted because of the way he looks. i mean in one of the books that i read his own mother wanted to kill him, did not want to look after him because he was apperently so ugly that when born he looked like death and she did not want to deal with it. its sad. but erik is so cool.

i hate the raoul character this is a character who i see gets everything handed to him. does not work for anything cause he comes from a ritch family. he has the good looks. and he also wants the girl that erik(the phantom) is inlove with. i donno maybe this character just fucks with my morals. i see erik who struggled for everything thoughout his life had so many people hate him. and he has a chance for love with christine and then this stupid pretty boy fop comes in and just snaggs her away. i know there are other fans that will dissagree and say that no christine never loved erik or that raoul was ment to be with her. that i do not agree with. i mean there are some versions where i can actually respect that character like the 1990 kopit version which is on its way. but yes raould seems like someone who does not work. just gets. i think thats why strongly dislike this character.

then there is christine with her i donno. i wanna hate her but i cant. i think i really wanna dislike her because i like erik. i wanna yell at her and call her a wossy for leaving erik, for taking the easy way out which is raoul. when deep down inside she really loves erik and she just wants to be with him but instead she goes with the stupid fop for security. thats what i wanna say. i think thats what i tell myself in this story that makes me dislike her. but in reality which of us would chose to stay underground with a mad muscian? i mean i tell my self as an obseesed fan that i would stay with erik i love erik. but inreality no way. all girls would go for the comfort. sorry erik. as a fan it hurts me to say this...but you will still never hear me say that christine loves raoul more. cause that is simply not so. in my mind raoul may have won christine, but erik won her heart. and once you have won that in someone there is not going back!

anyway yes i love this story. this blog went a compleatly different direction then what i wanted but whatever. basically im trying to explain what i love so much about this story and about the characters and that is not even all the ones that i could go on a rant....dont even get me started on charlotta, or the managers omg. lol.

so i think i will end this blog with a quote from the kopit movie that i love:

`For as long as I can remember, I have dreamed one sweet dream only. And though that sweet dream came in countless shapes and guises, it was what sustained me. I now know it was of her that I dreamed. I was born to live down here. But till now, I have never known quite why. Well, I was born so she could come and save me! For that is what she's done. She is the reason I was born. You seem startled. Did you think me incapable of such emotion? Well, it seems I'm not. What an astounding discover! Makes everything I've been through worth the waiting and the pain. What pain? The pain was a dream. All was a dream till this. When the gods give you a gift like that, you do not send it back. I love her, Gerard. And I believe, with any luck, in time, she will learn to love me. The gods would be cruel indeed to have sent her otherwise.``-erik(phantom)

*YAWN*

im tired...i had a fun but long weekend. lets start with friday, i know not the weekend but it counts. so friday usual stuff. wake up at 4:30am in the morning and go to work. work actually went by fast that day. seeing how it was busy and all. after that i went home and wondered around for a bit. normally on fridays after work when i get home i have a shower and i put on my pjs and i just chill for the rest of the day. but this friday i said that i would go and see a movie with friends. well actually the movie was my idea. so instead of getting comfey for and lazing around. i checked my e-mail talked with shannon and addy on msn then went and meet them for dinner. then the 3 of us meet chris and rina and matt at the movie. the movie, one week. really good. i highly recomend it. i love independent movies. for some reason they seem a little bit better then movies with a high budget. i think that, that is partly because independent movie makers are more about the art of the whole thing and the process of the movie. rather then the money. so i after seeing that amazing movie i went home at about 9:40pm and crashed.

on to saturday. yay for waking up at 4:30 am in the morning again. this time worked moved a bit slower becasue i was tired from the long day before. i felt like i was just counting the time hopeing that it would go by faster. then when i did get out i went to the washroom and changed out of my work cloths into some jeans, and my led zeppelin shirt, let my hair down and decided to start driving to mayfair mall. now normally on saturdays i go home and sleep. so i will be more awake to hang with friends that night. but i told friends earlier that i would meet them at the mall. so i hung out at the mall with stephan and addy. which was lots of fun. i bought more converse. i really should stop spending money. i do have enough saved up for car insurance that im going to have to pay in augest and for the road trip that im planing on going on in augest but still.....i spend to much. oh and if your wondering why i did not pass out that day. im just going to say that spencers gift store makes some amazing energy drinks :P.

then that night was sc, and then chilling at chris' place. watching him scream at zombies on a video game. it was fun. then i finaly went home and sleeped. not that well i woke up like 3 times last night. so i wake up today even more tired. then i go and mini golf with matt, and shannon and jon. that was lots of fun. we also went out for a late lunch. and talked about how the meal between dinner and lunch should be called dunch.... it sounds better then linner. i also gave addy my old pair of converse to borrow.

i think its funny i have lent addy my shoes, my belt. and i offered her a shirt. and she bought a led zeppelin shirt. i was jokeing that i was rubbing off at her. saying things like

"im like cancer i spread and there is no cure for me" she lol'd. and then after i said that matt looked at me and was like "you should have told me this before i started dating you". ha ha . oh also.

i bought a gnome today. it was cute and cool and i had to buy it becasue of the i blame it on the gnomes joke that i have with some of my friends. but i had to come home. after karens today instead of hanging out after. not really becasue my parents told me that i should or because i have home work or any obligation. but because im so tired. i need a me day. i feel like im going to fall asleep soon. but its okay.

i had a fun weekend, i hope the rest of you had a good weekend also!!!

im off to put on my pjs. yay comfyness

so i was surfen the interwebs and i went to bitch magazine.com and as usual there were some good, interesting articles that i enjoyed.

but then i saw one thing that made me laugh. out loud. it was a picture that i thought awsome. so im going to post it here.


thankyou bitch magazine you just made my day.

so i wanted to write a blog post about sex. not the whole immature teenage me yelling penis a bunch of times and giggling, but not the whole im going to discribe it to you thing either because one i have not had sex so i cannot discribe it. and two when i say i wanna talk about it, write a blog i wanted to discuss how the whole idea of sex has seemed to be considered bad in alot of our socioty. yes i can see how it would be bad to rush into it i guess, if you dont love the person cause there can be that feeling of lonleyness afterwords. but it seems that in todays day and age we still get told what is normal and what is not in this area of our lives.

alot of this appers to come from the church. and other areas. so not to be one of thoes people who goes on a rant saying the chruch is bad. it says we cant do this. it says this is bad. the church is pigion holding us. i will start by saying yes it does appear that way. but being somone who used to go to chruch, and youth group i cant help but attempt to see what they are trying to do. we are not told that we cannot do things by the church because the church wants to hold us down. but because in their eyes they think they are helping us. protecting us. cause i know from all my former church and youth group days the pastor would always say how god was like a father. and trying to protect us. so as a protective father he wants whats best. now im not also trying to go fully to the side of the church im just attmepting to find some sort of middle ground. anyway as god being a father he would only say dont do something becasue in the long wrong it does us harm.

so when the church says something about sex is wrong, or along thoes terms we should not doing this. although i may not agree with them, and dont agree in alot of aspects. i do respect that the main goal of them saying this was not to say your bad, your evil, eww what are you doing. but what to try to keep us heathy and happy and safe in the long run.

but anyway yes so i wanted to to right a blog post about sex and the aspects of it in todays socioty and i thought wow i dont really know if i have that much information myself to write a thoughtfull blog on this so i decided to go and to look stuff up on the internet (yay interwebs). and i ended up reading an article on the web site that i found really interesting. it kinda sums up some of the stuff that i was thinking about and what i wanted to kind of write about. so here is the link.
please read and enjoy.

http://www.radicalleft.net/blog/_archives/2007/7/22/3107594.html

im just going to say it and put this out there, but you know what. women are really freken annoying. honestly. men, and lesbians i have a question, why are you attracted to us? cause i know for alot of it god knows its not the personality of the overal species. i am a women and i find my own gender so annoying that sometimes i get an urge to blugen somone in the head...maybe thats a little extream. but in fact most of my friends are male, or are tomboys like me. i just cannot stand the girly girl females. the ones that spend countless amounts of money on makeup, and pedicures and all that other bullshit. just feading the montster that socioty created called consumerism. wispering in females ears you need to buy this, or do this or act like this.

my god sometimes it even seems like our gender is dumbing itself down. and i dont get it. i want to scream at some females what the fuck are you doing. not only that but for somereason out species or gender gets joy out of putting men in tough courners. take for example my parents last night.

my dad orders soup.

mom: "oh is it as good as the soup that i make hone"
dad: * clearly stuck in tough situation lie and say yes. or dont lie*......"its better"
mom: *smiles*. see laura you dad knows just what to say.


me interanalty: gnhfidaso;ghisa;hgd;s

so...what your saying. is you know my dad is lieing to you, infact your encouraging it becasue you want to hear that your soup....that you made...is better then some soup that we went out and paid for. do you get joy out of making your man being stuck in that kind of situation, and making him lie to you. or do you just feel like you need to hear it to get some kind of confidence booster? i know bit harsh for me to say but common girls.

put on your big girl panties. we should not need to be constintly begging for compliments, we are stronger then that! we should not have to waist money on make up, and crappy fake nails to feel beautiful, we are already beautiful honestly i dont give a fuck if your 100 pounds ,or 500 pounds its the whole confidence thing that makes you look good.
stop acting stupid. i know some girls just are not that smart same as some guys just dont have their britests moments but one of my biggest pet peaves is when a girl is purposly dumbing herself down just so she can have attention, or fit in more in socioty. i have friends who do that and honestly i have found myself distancing myself from thoes people. because its fucking stupid. you act stupid for attention and then you get all offended becasue people treat you like your stupid and dont know anything. if you want to be talked with instead of talked to, like a little kid. then show us that you can handle that.

read a book for once. follow what happening in the world. join in on conversations. contribute. even if you think you have nothing to say...you probably do.

honestly..sometimes i feel like the whole female group is purposly trying to make themselfs stupid. i mean there are acceptions like my friend karen who is probably one of the smartest people i know, who if she sees anything pink she gets an urge to burn it. and who gets urges to do something manly if you even remotly call her girly. karen is amazing. which is probably why im such good friends with her, among a million other reasons. but sometimes when i am surrounded by thoes girls who just..i donno dont seem to think. dont seem to even try to break the steryo types but are the ones that seem to feed it, and make it bigger.

i just wanna scream and say what the hell. and it really makes me wonder honestly guys and lesbians..and anyone else who is attrackted to females. why are you? what the hell?

makes me wanna get a sex change and be a gay man sometimes because honestly at least then i would not be the same gender as some of thoes girls.

who watches the watchmen?

i just did. and let me just say as a movie fan. and as a fan of the graphic novel that movie was fucking epic and i would most defnitly see it again.

and omg i saw blue penis. thats right they did not censor out dr manhattans penis, and it was made to look realistic..i saw blue penis on the big screen and i will admit there were times i was not even listeng to dr manhattan in the movie there was the immagutre little fan girl inside me going he he his penis is big....on a big screen and its fucking blue.

i also loved rorscach and not just the character becasue i was inlove with him before i even saw the movie. like i said graphic novel fan girl. i has a rorscach action figure for crying outloud. but i loved the guy who played him i think that he did an amazing job. he he there was a seen where he killed someone in the bathroom and you dont see what happens but he comes out after you hear the toilet flush. and see blood running out of the bathroom. i just might have a sick sence of humor but i found that fucking hilarious. and apperently so did others in the theater casue i heard a fair amount of laughter.

so yes all in all this movie rocked my world an i am going to have buy it as soon as it comes on dvd. i would say im so going to go see it in theaters again and even though i want to considering im grounded i doubt i can convince my parents to unground me for a couple hours again to go and see that amazing movie. im pretty sure they only let me go so they would not be stuck in a house with an emo fan girl for a month. and i know this sounds harsh but when i found out i was grounded i was more emo about not getting to see rorscach on the big screen then the prospect of not seeing my boyfriend.

silly me and my fetish for masked men
phantom.....v for vendetta....and now rorscach

oh and yes almaris i did take my action figure to the movie. and my friend got me a picture of me at the theater by the watchmen poster holding my action figure...ims a dork but thats okay casue dork is the new cool dont you know.

anyway. yes thats me being fangirl exsited. anyway here is a link to an actual movie review if you wanna read it

http://screencrave.com/2009-02-25/the-watchmen-review/

this person does a good job.

anyway...WOOOT WATCHMEN WAS FRIKEN AWSOME

random thoughts ftw

is there even such a thing as evil. or is that just a word that was created to make situations seem easyier. cause its so much easyier to just call someone evil and blame them for the worlds problems such as osama bin laden, or hitler, then to possibly look at all the peices that might have casused things.. but do you think someone can actually be fully evil? that there is actually posible for that person to not have a single "good" thing about them? to be full of evil like grendel from the story of beauwolf(sp?). i dont know. i think people can do evil things. but i do not belive that someone can fully be absolutly 100% evil.

it makes me wonder. hypotheticaly say someone like hitler ( cause he is such an easy example). was born in a much more loving family then he was, was tought by thoes around him to treat others with kindness, and if he himself was more accepted in his society would he still have turned out the way he did? and if not, then was he himself was not evil? could it be that it was society that created something evil? cause how can someone be born like that.

and then i think that if evil can be created. if little pieces through out someones life can make them like that. then how can we say someone is evil, how can we just point fingures at one person.

is there even such a thing as evil? or was it just simply created so people can be manipulative. "oh him, hes evil"

i donno, its late and this does not make much sence. but its a random thought and i had to write it down somewere before it turned into one of thoes things that seems like a good thought then you forget what it was the next morning.

this is a story about a girl named zeppelinphan...zp for short cause im lazy and zeppelinphan is too long to write.

one day zp woke up early after a long nigt of waking up every couple of hourse to go and do volunteer work at a day care. zp love volunteering at the day care casue it was normally lots of fun and the shifts when by quickly. but this time the day care was short staffed and it was only zp and the teacher who ran the day care who were able to work. zp ran around alot trying to make sure the kids listend and cleaned up after them selfs. trying to help with lunches well little kids cryed becsue they had to eat vegitables. and well zp helped a little kid open his lunch container he droped a nasty bannana on zp's pants...ewww. after lunch and zp wiping off her pants. zp desided to read a story to the little kids. at first it was good and they were enjoying it. then some arguments started and they started to fight because they could not see the pages. then after that zp got the kids calmed down and took them outside to play. once again at first everything was good. and zp mannaged to relax and just watch the kids play. but then when her head was turned zp heard a thud...and then crying.

one of the kids fell on the pavement and started to cry. ...zp helped this kid up dusted him off and gave him a hug..secretly feeling a bit happy because she had been telling this kid before not to run on the pavement. after that the little kid did not run on the pavement anymore, so falling was a good learning tool. also during that day some little kid eneded up not quite getting to the bathroom on time and accedently peed on zp's hands. which was gross, and there was also a little boy who wanted to pee sitting down so zp had to help hold him so he did not fall into the toilet. it was a full long tireing day. but at least zp still enjoys volunteering even though she got peed on and had somone drop a bannana on her pants.

isent that an inspiring story lol .. i wish i could come up with some kind of moral that makes sence...umm the moral of the story is: dont sighn up for work unless your willing to get peed on and have people drop rotten bannas on your pants.

nope thats not a good moral here is one maybe: though work is tough, and sometimes you expereince rotten, nasty things well at work. as long as your doing something that you enjoy. it will all be worth it in the end. becasue in the long run its better to be doing something you love with the ocasional nasty thing such as a bannana or pee. then to be doing something you hate, like deeling with nasty customers. cause if your doing something you love. then the bannanas and pee wont matter. cause you will feel satisfied and happy with how your day went. well with a job you hate you will wonder why your still even there. and what your doing with your life.

hmm maybe that moral still is not quite right but i think its getting close

so, originally i was going to write this post about tmi tuesday. you know a couple days late. fill out all the questions and be done with it. but then i read the questions and they did not seem interesting enough for me. or i lacked creative responses instead of the very weak, and lame typical one word yes or no response. but i feel i should write something. so after that i desided well maybe i can write about the adventures that happend on the weekend. such as driving addy out to liz's house and that whole drama section of my life. but you know what that is addys life and not my place to post it on my blog. i continued to think about my weekend and about what had happend and it occured to me there is other stuff that i can write about. such as skinny dipping. a group of friends and i did that on valnetines day and we have decided that it is going to be our new valentines day tradition. honestly forget buying you loved ones presents just go skinny dipping with them. that is soooo much better and more fun.

then i thought well it is mainly my friends who went skinny dipping with me who read this blog, so there is no point in recalling to them what they participated in. even though it was really funny. and there was the incented of the random peice of seaweed that karen and i found in my towl, after i got dressed. and i offered it to her as a joke. not knowing what part of my body that it came off of. karen loled and then simply placed the peice of seaweed on the buddy christ that is now sitting in my car. i have left it there cause you know it makes for a good conversation starter. picture this your in a car and somone randomly askes why you have a peice of seaweed hanging off of a buddy christ bobble head. rofl, sounds like a good conversation starter to me.

i also thought that i could write in detail about how after that. jenni, fiona and i decided to go to the park and dance in our bras in the middle of the night. jenni took some pictures and i have to say they are very funny and i am going to have to ask her for them soon because they make me laugh. also when we were participating in this very fun underwear dance in the middle of a park at 2 in the morning jenni saw a cop car comming down the road and we quickly ran to our own vehicles and put our cloths on in fear of being stoped. or questioned. luckaly the police pulled over for a speeder who was going the other way. thank god for reakless drivers. :P.

then i thought that i could write about today. rant about the one preschool kid who does not like me becasue i made her share toys with other kids instead of hogging all of the toys to herself. oh how evil am i to make a kid share *note sarcasim*. infact today when she asked for help from laura the other teacher was like well laura is right behind you honey. this kid looked at me frowned then looked back and was like "no, i want the real laura". which is the name of the other teacher. the girl who runs the preschool.

but then as i was comming up with all these ideas on what to say and what to type. in the corner of my eye is saw that stupid little clown toy that my dad has. that for some stupid reason my dad likes to keep here. and i turn it around and my dad turnes it the other way around. clowns creep me out and i hate this one, and it is staring at me. and i want to distroy it but that would make my dad un happy cause its his kid toy. and to make things worse my brother put it in a tiny box. so now it is a little evil clown. poking out of a box. ITS STARING AT ME. and my dad is taunting me with it to get me off of the computer saying that im taking to long.

clowns are evil they should die.

okay so im going to do another tmi tuesday before i do that...AHHHH I ONLY GOT A B ON MY BIRTH PROJECT FOR WOMENS ANTHRO....it was dissapointing. i know that a b is good. but for once that paper felt like an A paper. DANG DANG DANG. *sigh*. that sucked. okay now on to tmi tuesday:

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
depends. if you asking males i would have to say penis. yes it is useful and nessicary for all the fun stuff but in all honesty penis's are ugly, and are not a turn on. i dont know about girls....maybe when they have really really huge boobs that are obviously fake

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
i would say over. because other wise if it is under you usually end up with scrapes on your hands when you go into public washrooms cause your trying to reach past the spikyies to tair the toilet paper. then you end up with battle wounds on your hands. and i think the only battle wounds that one should have as a resulte of the bathroom should be a result of some passionate fun with a partner in some nice expensive hotel....prefurable one with a big bathtub :P

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
nope not yet becaues my "partner" and i are not sexualy active yet. and considering i start work at 5:30 in the morning. and i still live with my parents i dont belive that would go over to well...maybe ill try once i move out.

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you? Id so, at what age?
no my parents did not give me the birds and the bees talk. the funny thing is that my older brother did. well we were watching south park. then after that my parents made me tell them exsactly what he told me to make sure he did not teach me wrong. i dont know how old i was..i think i was 10...possible younger.

5. What is one thing a someone could do to you to rock your world?
-visit me randomly when im sick or emo, or make me something
i dont realy know actually. people always tend to surprise me with things and whatever the surprise is usualy rocks my world...i cannot pick a certain thing...i like creativity.

although that being said anything involving taking me to a lake or anywere to swim usually will work....hmmm water sex? lol jk

just a cool quote that i found by kevin smith.


My Father taught me how to be a man – and not by instilling in me a sense of machismo or an agenda of dominance. He taught me that a real man doesn’t take, he gives; he doesn’t use force, he uses logic; doesn’t play the role of trouble-maker, but rather, trouble-shooter; and most importantly, a real man is defined by what’s in his heart, not his pants.

so i had an epic adventure today. life is just grand

first was one of the worlds greatiest archetects and i help build and amazing tower and a house for a princess and her wonderful horse. then the princess and i desided to build a bridge and moat, of course me the loyal servant will do anything for a princess. then after that i took a journey to another land. in this land i was not a nobal archetect but instead i was an evil beast. this evil beast which i was had come to destroy the land and everything within it. but luckaly there was this one nobal man with a poisionus finger. he did not use his poisenus finger for bad though, only good. and he slayed me the most evil of all beast. i had quite a dramatic death. in which all the people of the village stoped and looked at the evil beast dying and then they cheered on the heroic boy.

after that i traveled even farther when i came to a land full of wizards. were we got in epic douls and most of the other wizards were better then me. i got turned into a number of things such as a frog and then eventually a bannana. after that i got to go on a quest for a young night to find his dimond which he had acedently lost behind the oven of the castles kitchen. then some very nice hair dresses about five i wil say, all decisded to give me a brand new hair do for free, oh there was snipping and brushing and lots of other wonderful things. after that magic journey it was time to go adventure to the land of outside. where there were many games that constantly went on such as tag. and i even saw one young man turn into a turtle and go down a slide. it was amazing. after that it was time to venture back to the castle where there was a great feast happening full of fruits and veggiis and pizza and cookies. (nom nom nom). well there were also stories being told and songs being sung.

after this i unfrotinitly was done my volunteer shift and toad preschool and had to snap back to reality. man i find little kids amazing they are so much fun although they did take some energy out of me. i cant wait to go back and volunteer on wednesday.

umm yes so thats my epic adventure.

oh and by the way because i could not swear today when i was with little kids : fuck, ass, shit, hell, cock, cunt, dam, bitch, ...pussy, clit,

okay i feels better :D

womens antrho homework

so here is the paper that i had to write up for my womens anthropology class. i had fiona edit it. she did not edit the ending though because of the fact that i had not writen that much when i sent it to her...so the ending probs sucks but the rest is realy good. umm ya for this paper i basically had to write about my birth, so just a warning thats what is writen here. alos this is really long..just a heads up. anyway enjoy :

Comparing my birth with many others North American births, mine was a complicated and risky business. This was because both of my parents carried genetic deficiencies that put the women and the baby at high risk of not surviving the labour process. In my father, the genetic issue was that the thirteenth chromosome had an extra hook. This defect makes it highly unlikely for fetus survival. My mother’s genetic defect was developed over time because she had a miscarriage in her past. The doctors told her that she would have a good chance of having Placentia previa in her future if she were to have children again. Of the circumstances that my mother went through because of the miscarriage, she needed to have Amniocenteses. This was to test a baby’s chromosomes to make sure that they were both healthy and surviving.

Unlike my birth, my older brother was born under normal circumstances of a North American culture. He went through the smooth procedure of delivery without a trace of alarm. On the other hand, my birth was an event of panic and fear of survival.

It started off the way most births would start off in a North American culture. When my mother started getting contractions, my dad instantly decided that she needed to be driven to the hospital. In the summer of 1989, however, there was a nurse’s strike and the hospital was short staffed and low on beds. When my parents first showed up at the hospital, the nurses had my mom walk around for a bit to wait to see how serious it was. After what the nurses considered a throughout assessment of my mother’s condition, they concluded that she was not ready to give birth and told her to go home. At the time of my brother’s birth in 1987, there was no nurse’s strike and my mother was let in right away. Unfortunately, in my case my mother was just told to hang around and walk around because of the lack of staff then eventually told to go home. On the way home after being told to leave, my mother and my father started to notice that she was bleeding a lot. So my father turned around and drove back to the hospital. When they got back to the hospital the nurses became aware of how much my mother was bleeding and started to worry. As a result of the crucial condition that my mother was in (by the time that she was ready to give birth to me) there was a lot of technology used. There was a lot less technology used in my brother’s birth.

For my brothers birth there was a heart rate monitor for the mother and for the baby, as well as other monitors to keep watch of the mother and the Childs vital signs. As well, my mother asked to take an epidural to take away the pain of childbirth. As for my birth, because of the fact that it was more complicated, there was a lot more technology. This technology was mainly needed because of the fact that I was a c-section baby. The technology that was used during this process was an ultrasound, and an aesthetic to make my mother unconscious during the c-section. As well because my mother was losing a lot of blood she needed to have a blood transfusion. After I was born I was placed in an incubator and fed through a feeding tube; I had been born seven weeks premature. My parents note that if it had not been for all of this technology, they do not believe that I or my mother would be alive today.

With my brothers birth there was no c-section for he came out quickly and painlessly. With my birth a c-section was needed. This was because, like the doctors had speculated earlier, my mother was suffering from Placentia previa. The placenta was tearing away from the uterus and my life support as a fetus had been failing. This was the reason my mother started to lose a lot of blood. Because of this my mother was unable to make any decisions. During my birth the doctor actually came out to my dad and gave him three options to choose from. The first one was that they continue to try natural labour and that there was a very low chance that either my mother or I would survive. The second option was that the doctors try to enduce labour. With that option the doctors said that only I would survive. The third option was a c-section. The doctor told my father that both my mother and I had a fifty percent survival rate. My father tells me that he saw that he only had one option, and that was the c-section.

In both my older brother’s birth, and mine my father had the option to attend and watch. My father attended my brother’s birth but, he did not attend mine. The doctor did give him the option to be present at my birth but because of the seriousness of the situation, my father did not feel it would do any good for him to be in there. He said that he felt if he were to go into the delivery room with everything that was going on he would just get in the way. Although my father does say he regrets that decision and that he wanted to be in the room. He said that he felt that the doctor had pressured him into not going into the room. The doctor was the one that made him feel like he would be in the way, and that him being there would not do any good.

Well in North American culture my brother’s birth can be seen as normal. The use of technology was normal. Things such as epidermal are seen as quite normal in today’s standards of birth. This is because mothers do not wish to feel the pain, and unlike in some other cultures it is not considered a loss in experience, or at lest it was not considered a loss in the experience for my mother. Through out my brother birth both my parents made the decisions as a couple. The decisions were not just left up to one person. Because my parents felt as a couple they could make decisions together and without it being a stressful situation such as my birth they had the time to do so. Also during my brother’s birth my father was allowed to attend. And did attend. There was no pressure felt from the doctors or from anyone else making him feel that he should not attend or that he had to attend. Well my birth I don’t believe can be seen as normal, for this culture. There was extra use of technology. This technology was needed at the time so that my mother and I could survive, but it was more what doctors would normally use. During the birthing process it was mainly left up to my father to make the major decisions. This could be considered unusual as most mothers are making the decisions during their own birthing process, or a couple makes them together but given the situation it was left up to my father. Also the last thing that makes my birthing process different was the fact that my father was unable to witness the birth. Not because he was no allowed to, but because he felt pressured by the doctors not too due to my mothers situation. In comparison my mother’s whole birthing experience with my brother can be seen as the more normal experience for most mothers in North American culture. Well the majority of the experiences that my mothers when through during the birthing experience with me are not viewed as quite so normal.

so im taking womens anthropology. and right now we are learning about birth, cross culturaly. which i am finding interesting. it is making me realize how depended on technology we are in this culture. oh my god it even starts when we are born. in the book we are reading there was even and interview with a nurse and she herself said that working in the delivery ward is like working on an assembly line. its all about go go go. get the women preped. get the baby out. make sure they are both healthy and then move onto the next one.

but that is not really what has me thinking. even though i could go on about how we are stuck on technology for hours. the ironic thing is that this is comming from the girl who has a cell phone, ipod, laptop and a car....so maybe i should not talk.

the thing that did strike me in class today was the fact that the author of the book that we are reading said that the whole studying of birth gig is best left up to women. she basically says that women will do a better and more efficent job. and if thats not enough the part that annoyed me was that even girls who dont want kids...or never plan on having kids. would do a better job studying the birth process then a man who is intrested in, or wants kids. i might be wrong but this sounds alot like sexism. okay i will agree that women my have a better advantage studying the whole birth and pregnancy process then men do.

they have this advantage becasue women will actually be allowed into the birthing hut in some cultures and areas around the world. well men are forbidden just because it is the culture, or becasue for a pregnant women who is giving birth is just really uncomfortable with the idea of a strange guy being there. well she may be less uncomfortable with a strage girl being there. do in that way i can see why girls would have an advantage. but i still do not belive that it should be said that guys would do a bad job.

for one. lets take north america, look at how many of the doctors here actually are men. in this culture where we are tought that it is not gender that gets you were you wanna be but it is intrest, hard work and education. so that means that women had the opertunity to be doctors and yet there are alot more men then there are women. so...men must be interested in the birthing process. and men must wanna study it, some men,. and men must be educated in how the body works and what to do. if this were not the case i dont know about you but i would seriously be questioning this countries doctors. even my doctor specializes in pregnant women. and my doctor is a guy. so you know what..i think this shows that yes guys can be interested and yes they can do an excellent job studying the birthing process if they were interested and deticated to what it was that they are studying.

One more point from me and then i will stop the rambling of this topic. there are so many different aspects one can take when studying the birthing process. yes, there is the actual birth but that is just a small part of it. there is also the whole other nine months. thoes nine months that the women is growing, and changing. the husband or partner is as well. he may not being going through all the physical changes that the women is but things are chaning. some fathers say that it even though they have been married for a while it is not untill their wife is pregnant that they start to realize that it is not all about them anymore, they are going to have a family that they feel that they have to protect and look after. a male may not be able to go into the birth hut, but well that is happening he could talk with the men. get the mens perspective. see how the men are growing and changing well the women is growing. couple grow together, or at least that is what i am always told. and what appears to happen.

so why is it then that we only have case studies on the women during the birth process? what is going on with the husbands and the other men in the family. i know a women carrying a baby for nine months, that whole process of another human being created out of what seems like nothing is facinating. what she goes through, and what she deals with.

but when has anyone done reserch on the guys? how they are changing? what they are going through? and how they deal with it?

how do these two people grow toghether

TMI

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
nope, and i never plan on doing that. i belive love lasts longer then money

2. What is your type?
i dont know if i have a type. i like the ruged look.

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
i have never played a sex game

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know? no. i have never recived and orgasm from a person :P

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
no. and i dont really plan on doing so. whats the fun of playing one player in a two person game

so i was reading a book today forget what its called some random book that i picked up at work. and there was this one line that literaly made me lol. i think some of the customers thought that i was on crack cause i was randomly laughing...they could not see the book.

anyway the line was along the lines of

"if you ever want to make your boyfriend happy just blow up a car with a rocket launcher"

of course in the book the main girl who was talking was trying to take out a mob boss. and also she did miss and ended up hitting her own car. which the guy found histaricaly. knowing my luck if i ever had to take somone out with a rocket launcher i would end up hitting my own car :P.

but yes i found that quote funny.

umm i wonder were one can buy rocket launchers...incase matt ever gets emo and needs some cheering up.

also whose car would i destroy. lets all hope for our cars sake that matt never gets that emo.

becasue im thinking me + rocket launcher = alot of cars going up in flames.

so i will end with this

save a car make sure matthew is happy!!

i

tmi tuesday questions..only a couple days late

1. On a scale of 1-10, how satisfied are you with your sex life?
well im not actually having sex yet, but im in no rush to get into that. so i would say that it is good. i am satisfied.

2. If someone shoves you up against a wall while kissing you, your reaction is?
it sounds very hot, and delightful. hopefuly if it ever happens its as sexy as it sounds

3. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done or said to you?
ummm, i cant think of anything really that romantic that anyone has done or said to me.

4. Where is the most unusual place you have ever had sex?
never had sex,


5. How do you liked to be kissed?
is it just me or does this sound like a stupid question....who does not like to be kissed.? i love to be kissed. but i am a chicken shit and am horrible at making the first move.

so im starting to wonder how i can be getting stressed out when it feels like im doing almost nothing this school year? is that possible? obviously. so this school year as i said i am only taking two courses. two. my first project is due on tuesday but that is now what im stressed out about. im getting stressed over everything else. lets see. my plan for this summer is to go and travel through scotland with fiona. this plan makes me uber happy becasue i have wanted to go to scotland since i was 15. i even have a giant poster of scotland in my bedroom. and fiona got me a giant scotland flag that hangs out in my bed room. so ya that gives you an idea of how into scotland i am.

so the whole stress thing. yes i am stessing over so much stuff that i have to get done that is not related to school at all. i need to get my passport done soon. so that i can travel. i need to get the pictures taken (where im not allowed to smille or they will think im a terrorist, yes cause i have the guts to blow stuff up and kil people) then i need to send the stuff in soon so i can get it back intime to go.. or if i have the time drive downtown and wait in an uber long line. i need to get a background check so that i can get into the ecce program. early childhood care and education. becuase you know they dont want rapists and such working with little kids. i also need that background check for volunteering which starts in febuary. once again same reason dont want weirdos volunteering with little kids. i need to finish filling out the forms so i acctualy can get accepted into the program. i know i will get in im already in camosun. and they already have all the proof of my good grades and all that jazz.

but i need to get it in and hopefully be accepted before febuarary cause i need to prove to the preschool that im going to be volunteering for the course. not casue im a creeper who likes to watch little kids. so yes all this fourms and sighning up for crap is stressing me out. but im planning on talking to the police tommorow about getting a background check. and i will hopefully have the forms filled out and be signed up for the ecce by monday.

on a happier off topic note i made cookies today with matt. that was fun. i kinda screwed up a bit by putting things in the wrong bowls but then matt helped me fix it and the cookies turned out great...although im sure quite a bit of the cookies got eaten before they even made it in the oven. but then they turned out great. we also watched supernatural.

and this note if a.d.d cause even though im talking about cookies im thinking about that camosun form that is siting on the table a bit down from me that i should probably fill out. WHY DO I PROCRASTINATE. i will get everything done. i will relax.

*sigh*. i suck at bloging.....

im to distracted. hey look cider. maybe i should drink that :P

yumm peach