weird dream

today is christmas eve and i had a very odd dream last night. so a bunch of people and i were in vancouver. it was all the orginal sc crew. before stupid things started being said and friends started disowning each other. anyway it was christmas eve in my dream and all of us were on the bus trying to get home for christmas. but well catching the last cty bus to the ferry. i saw this one very dirty and extreamly young skinny lady put a five year old girl on the bus. she bent down to the girl and said "stay on this bus till you get to the final stop, then get on the ferry. your dad will pick you up on the other side". then the mother (who looked like a hooker in all honesy in my dream) got off the bus.

my friend karebear was sitting beside me on the bus and made some comment about not likeing kids and being dissapointed that we had to sit beside one during the whole bus ride to the ferry. i on the other hand was wondering what kind of mother would just ditch her child on the bus heading to the ferry well going downtown vancouver. (like i said this was an odd dream). during the bus ride in my dream i sat beside this child during most of the ride. and played with her, and amused her. then we got to the ferry. but well still on the bus. i realized that the girl did not have her shoes on. and all my friends had run off the bus without in a rush to get tickets for the most recent ferry. i quickly helped the girl put on her shoes and grab her backpack. then asked her were her jacket was, considering it is winter and she would be cold and all. The girl said that she did not have a jacket. i mumbled something under my breath about bad parenting i do not remember what it was.

i then told the girl that we would have to get off the bus and walk iver and buy some tickets to get on the ferry. when we finaly got to the booth. i asked the girl where the money was that her mom gave her to get on the ferry?. she surched her pockets and backpack and said that her mom must have not given her money cause there was none there. so i pulled out my visa and paid for both of us. thinking im not going to ditch a child at the ferry terminal cause either A) she lost her money or B) mostlikley her mom did not give her money in the first place.

i was also thinking in my dream well this was happening that there was a chance that sence she is meeting her father on the other side he could maybe pay me back for the ferry ticket. the next thing i know in my dream i hear someone yell "stop police". then i get arrested in my dream cause apperently the girl on the bus was kidnapped and was missing. and the police in my dream think that i kidnapped her.

then after being cuffed i wake up from this dream..

it was weird. what the hell was that dream saying?

update

yay winter break i am done my exams!!! i desperatly need a break. the sad thing is yes i am very exsited about christmas but thats not what im most exsited about. what im most exsited about is the fact that i get to sleep in more now. no more waking up at 6:50am to bus into victoria till january 6th.

its funny. their are about 8 presents under the three right now, and all of them are from me. i think its because im the person who likes to put the presents that i buy under the tree right away it makes the room look more christmasy, well my parents like to wait till it is even closer till christmas to put them under the tree.

today was also my last day at this practicum, i felt sad leaving. all the children in the practicum ended up singing me a good bye song. im going to miss them. also the my sponser educators gave me a christmas card and huged me good bye. they said if when i graduate i ever need refurances to get a job i am more then welcome to use their name, and that i am also more then welcome to come and visit them anytime as long as i am not to busy with school and my other practicum.

i also found out that when i graduate with ecce here it transfurs perfectly to be an ecce in england. so if i wanted i could go and work in england for a year. i think this would be really cool. The way that this degree works is after two years and graduating you get your licence to practice. then you have a year to get a cirten number of hours done, you need to get these hours done to keep your licence and also to get the licence to run your own preschool. i was thinking you know instead of staying here i could go and get thoes hours in another country that would be cool. i was orginally thinking when i graduate i would go volunteer in an orphanage in another country but i dont think that counts for the actual hours i will need to get unfrotinitly. so i have to work for a year. and if i do that i might as well go work in another country. i am thinking of seeing if it is the same in scotland. because the uk is pretty the same from what i know. it would be realy cool to go and get an appartment and work in scotland for a year as a preschool teacher and then come back if that was possible.

also addy, if i did that then i would be in the uk around the same time you would because we graduate the same year, you would be in the navy and i would be teaching little children. funny. although you will be able to stay and i would be going back home in a year.

so this is what im thinking, it would be cool.

this is all thats new with me. im glad i get a break

agg, preschool stories

a story from a preschool. due to confidentiality i cannot say actual names or the place but i can do enitails.

so there is this boy ill call him x. and another boy in the preschool ill call him y. so x is new to the preschoo. he is a nice boy, a little quiet but his one challange is that he does not know how to express himself when people are buging him or getting in his way so he will push or hit them. We are working on getting him to use his words and he is honestly getting better there are less hittings and shoving happening in the preschool and more space sharing and all around friendly ness.

then there is boy y. boy y is an only child, clearly spoiled. and if i was not supposed to be more professional when working with children i would call him a brat. he has thrown his food around, spat gum on the floor (i dont know why his parents gave him gum) and likes to have lots of attention. he actually pulled his penis out of his pants the other day and ran up to children yelling look at me, which ill admit was a little bit funny but still.

anyway. so y and x are playing today and i am watching them but then this little girl got pant all over her hands and i had to help her go to the bathroom and wash her hands. when im done helping her and we come out of the bathroom y comes running up to me saying that x has hit him. so i go up to x and i talk with him i explain how we are not going to hit our friends because preschoo is a safe place. x says he did not hit y. i dont know what to say at this point becasue i did not actually see anyone hit the other person, but x is a hitter and a pusher. so i have a talk about making a friend feel better, and how we dont hurt our friends. x apologises and y smiles and walks off.

then later in the day i see y running through the class room with siccors waving them around well he runs. i see him doing it and i take his hands crouch down to his eye level and explain how its not safe to run with siccors. y looks and me and yells "x did it". it is at this point after i talk with my sponser educator that i learn that y has been tatleing on x all day for things that x has not doen, but its a way for y to get attention. becasue he has picked up on the fact that x has been hitting people and y can blame him for things.

i feel bad for most of the practicum after that. cause i remeber what it is like to be a kid who gets accused for something i did not do, and how much it sucked when the teacher did not belive. and then i just did that exsact thing. but i also understand how it is hard to see everything. but still, x apologized when he did not have to becasue y was pointing fingers and i belived y.

dang.

its time for a less depressing blog. so update. that class where i got a bad mark i got a test back from it and got 100% on the test im going to say that, that is fucking awesome. christmas is getting closer and i am still a little kid and am getting exsited. as for shopping i have so far bought some friends presents, my dad a present but im getting him another, my mom a present but im spliting that one with mark and i want one to be just from me so im getting another, and one for mark and if i can find something else that looks interesting to him then i will buy him a second present also. oh oh and today i got a ginger bread house and i am totaly setting it up on wednesday that should be fun.

and i convinced my mom that we need to go and get a christmas tree this weekend so we will be doing that, and i really wanna put more decorations up to make that house more awesome.
im also hopeing that i will be the one who gets to set up the manger this year, cause my dad sets it up wrong when he does it. he puts the animals outside the manger and the people in, when the people are clearly supposed to be outside and the animals in. i mean common a women shows up to a barn to give birth they are not going to kick all the animals out in time before she goes into agonizing labour. her screams might scare them out, but i am sure animals have heard weirder things in their life time.

so hopefully more chrstmas things will be set up, winter break starts soon this is my last week of school for this semester it makes me ever so happy, i mean i am enjoying my classes but i really could use a break. im also going to tell my boss that i dont want extra hours because like i said i need a break, i hate going strait from fulltime school onto full time work it makes me so tired and stressed. i actually stated developing an eye twitch in the summer i was getting so tired and stressed from always working especially right after school. i think i hid it pretty well and it disapeared right after i went to san fransico on vaction. started to come back in the begining of the school year and shows up every once and a while but not that much and i hope that it stays that way.
that is why i need a break, and christmas with good friedns and awesome family is the perfect way for me to get a break.

merry christmas everyone

i hate the school system

i have come to the conclusion that the school system is shit.

why is it that when i try really hard with a paper, i get it back and i get an F. but then when i compleatly and uterly bullshit a paper without actually doing the work. not to mention typing it up the night before when i get that paper back i get 86% on it.

does this seem wrong here to anyone else?

work= f

bull shit= A

hmm no no wonder todays youth is not really learning anything in this education system. well strike that we are learning something. but its not the material that we are supposed to be learning. what we are learning is how bullshit our way into getting good grades. how to say something that sounds an A rather then doing something that deserves an A. saying what the teachers whant to hear and getting a good grade, or putting in the effort and getting a bad grade.

the system is fucked. if i have learned anything this week it is that hard work does not seem to pay off in the education system. even though it should. what pays of is manipulation and knowing what to say and when to say it.

because in the end of the day. it appears that the only way to get good grades is to bullshit you way throught it.

fuck my school life

my face is streaked with tears and i feel like im going to throw up. no its not because im sick. its not even because i lost someone close to me. i just having a really bad fucking day. i feel like the shit is hitting the fan majourly. so this is how my day goes i wake up after a good nights sleep everything feels good. i pack my bag head downstairs and grab some food and go to turn on my computer. and guess what it is fucked up. the screen is all pixalaited and i cant do anything,. i officially hate pc laptops and am going to spend my money on a mac even if that causes me to be out 2 thousand dollers at least that way ill have a fucking computer that knows how to fucking work. then i get up to the bus stop. well waiting there i realize shit i forgot my text book. with no time to run back to my house and grab it i figure i can do without it for a day. then when i get to school today i look in my bag and i forgot my felt story, so i need to borrow one from the teacher for our group recordings. today we had to record ourself reading a story to our peers for our teacher to review and give us some tips before we actually do it in the feild.

after this i go to lunch and i start to feel a bit better. this is because originally i thought i had five papers due next week but cause classes got switched around i know only have four. which means less work for me. and i can type up the two papers that i have not yet done on the desktop that we have at home. i also get a paper back from a class that has a b grade. which makes me happy. and makes me less stressed out about my grades. then my last class comes around. and i get a paper back at the end of that class. thinking that i did a good job on this paper i flip to the back eagerly to see my mark. and what do i see...a fucking F. why the hell did i get an F. well i want to say its because my teacher is a stupid fucking bitch, but when i look at the grading system she says its because i did not include my observations.

is she blind they are stapled right to the fucking page. she said they were rough drafts so she did not mark them as observations, because they were hand writen. well i would understand anyother time getting a bad mark in a post secondary insitution for handing in something hand writiten this pisses me off becuase earlier she said that it was better if it was handed in hand writen that way she knows that we actually did the fucking observations instead of just bullshiting it and typing it up. and now because mine happen to be hand writen she give me an f? does this not seem unfair to anyone else.

so im upset. so much so that i feel like im going to throw up, like im not good enough. i mean i have been buged and teased enough by friends saying how easy this two year course to be a preschool teacher must be. so how stupid do i feel if i cant even get a good mark in this, how stupid am i if i cant get good marks in this. i feel like a fucking retard, like a looser. if i cant do this how am i ever going to amount to any career. i fear that i will be one of thoes people stuck in shitty part time jobs for the rest of my life. and thats not me, thats not what i want to do. if im going to be here on this planet i want a job that actually has an effect on the world. one where i make no a difference. and working in some shitty part time job does not make a fucking difference in the world. teaching would if i can get fucking good grades. and jobs that my friends want to get into would like

karen,: she writes and she wants to be in the navy, at least there she will be making a difference. same with addy, and josh who is going to be a history teacher.

all these people get decent grades and are doing well why arnt i what the fuck is wrong with me, why do i feel so stupid and uncapable right now. im thinking about previous years i had in college like when i took some history courses how come i was able to get b+'s in thoees course and not in a fucking early childhood course. what is up with this. and i think and think about other things that interest me and getting some sort of degree in history, or art history sound pretty fucking awesome. i dont know how much of a difference it would make but it sounds cool. but then there is this little voice saying if you switch degress again your just a quiter, your giving up. you already did that once to your parents and now your going to do it again. i feel even worse switching and getting bad marks cause its my parents money not mine.

they saved and saved and saved so that i could get an good education and when i get bad marks it feels like im just slapping them across the face. i mean it would be different if i was spending my own money for school but im not, i dont have that money.

and now i feel helpless, and stupid and like a failure, im doing bad in two courses. even though i feel like im trying.

i dont know what to do, part of me say switch programs to history thats something you really find interesting. other say dont if you do your just a quiter and youll be costing your parents to much fucking money. and you will have waisted your time. another part of me says i should just struggle through this semester live with whatever marks i get and then take a year off to go traveling but then there is the voice saying its too late to do that, and you dont really have enough money. and once again you will be letting your parents down.

i really dont know what to do. like i said i feel like a failure and a disapointment.

i traped under a rock of bad grades

overall this has just been a really shitty day!!

zeppelinphan the super clutz

i have come to the conclusion that how i am going to die is by triping over something down to my death. i am such a clutz. i triped three times today.

the first time was when my practium was done and i was walking up stairs away from my practicum towards the bus stop. i was texting at the time and i triped well walking up the stairs. luckaly i managed to do that retarted run thing to prevent myself from falling. i will consider this one my own fault becasue like i said i was texting and not really looking. im just considering my self lucky that as i triped i did not drop my phone. i have droped that thing so manytimes.

the second time was after school. my mom picked me up and we went to visit my uncle and chill at his house for a bit. my mom wanted to have a smoke before we went inside and she told me to go up the stairs and knock on the door. so i start walking up the stairs. but i trip on one of the steps and start to fall. the only thing that prevents me from falling on my face was the fact that my hand slammed on the door. then my mom looks up at me and was like "what kind of retarted knock was that" and laughs at me. i back off a couple steps to avoid embaressment when my uncle opens the door. and then we get invited inside.

the third and final time that i triped to day was a couple minutes ago. im sitting here on my lappy and i see that my mom takes a bag of chips out of the cubord. she says that i can have some so i step down and walk over to the bag of chips. but then i trip over my own pajama pants and once again to prevent my self from falling i put out my hands. this time i landed on my mothers bag of chips that are sitting on the table. and it makes a really loud CRUNCH. my mom looks at me and is like wtf are you trying to destroy my chips. then i tell her no i just triped. and she calles me claudet, because im such a clutz.

what a joyful day. this is why im probs going to die from tripping over something. probably over my own shoes or something and ill fall out of my appartment window.

stupid customers

s i have not updated this blog in along time and i feel like i need to so this is probs going to be random considering that im starting to write it at 12:30 in the morning. but i was thinking about all of the stupid customers that come in at work. and i know that this is not a creative rant as there is a whole website dedicated to customer stupidity. but this blog entry is going to be about what customers have said and what i secreatly wish i could say in response.

stupid customer #
1) "hey do you work here"
actual response "yes can i help you"
what i wish i could say *sarcasim* "no i dont, im just standing here in a full uniform that happens to match the uniforms that all the emplyies that work here happend to be wearing. becasue i find it wonderfully fun and joy full to go into stores and fuck people over on my days off when i could be hanging with friends instead of being here"

2) this customer was standing right beside the frige with all the water
"do you sell water"
actual response: "yes it is right beside you, if you wanna grab it i can scan it in"
wish i could say: "did you even look, or are you so uncapable of doing anything that you have to ask without even trying to look for things"

3) "do you sell coffee"
actual response: no sorry but the starbucks right across from us does
wish i could say. "well if you turned around you would notice that the huge fucking store across from this little kiosk actually is a coffee shop. and being a kiosk there is no room for even a simple coffee maker so what makes you think i could make coffee"


thoes are what i wish i could have said now for story time. this stort is called lazy dumby

lazy dumby:

this lady is standing by the chocolate bars stairing at them and she is there for a fair amount of time so i assume that she just trying to decide what it is she wishes to buy. then after 20 minutes she grabs a coffee crisp waves it around and yells "EXCUSE ME.. CAN I GET SOME HELP OVER HERE". i look at her and say "yes, i would be pleased to help you if you could just walk over to the till i can ring in your purchas" "oh" she says. "well i guess that its my job to make things easier for you and not for you to make things easier for me" she walks around to the till and slams the chocolate bar on the counter. i ring it up and she starts to pay for her chocolate. then she continues on how she should not have had to walk around and how i should have come to her and i should have served her. now if this lady was in a wheel chair i would have been glad to do so seeing as the counters on the kiosk are high and its difficult to manuver around but seeing that she is a perfectly healthy female who has the ability to use thoes legs that god so generously gave her i figured she could manage to walk to the till.

any way after several minutes of her lecturing me on crappy service my politeness could only take so much and i looked up at her and said " im sorry mam, but i cannot physically pick up the till and movie it to whicever side of the kiosk that you wish. it is much eaier for you to just walk around". she does not have a response to this so she grabes her chocolate bar and walks off in a huff.

oh the joy of work. i cant wait till the days when i have a job were im actually exsited about going to work instead of dreading it and thinking in the back of my head. what the hell is going ot happen today

people who anny me on the bus

people who annoy me on long bus rides.


1) the girls who wear too much perfume: okay wearing a little bit of perfume is fine but im talking about thoes people were you can smell them as soon as you walk into a room and you feel like your going to sufficate becasue you dont have anymore fresh air. its even worse when they continue to spray themselfs during the bus ride and you start coughing from the stench but they still dont take the hint. this happend to me once on an hour long bus ride from my house into victoria. dear god i wanted to punch this women in the back of the head because she was sitting right infront of me. why did i not move you ask? because the bus was full. why did i not open a window? because i was up stairs on a dubble decker. that was not fun. i spent the entire trip breathing into my sweater just so i did not have to smell her overpowering perfume. lets just say yes, i did take a big deep breath of fresh air as soon as i got off the bus.

2) people who open the windown during winter (cold, rain): this pissis me of because usualy the bus drive himself has to blast the heat just to keep people warm. and then some idiot who desides that he wants "fresh air" has to open the window. and when you ask them to close it they dont listen to you then just tell you to move away from the window. or there is the other senario for me were the person who opend the window is one of thoes bus creepers who you dont even want to talk to. there are also the ones who open the window who are big intimidating men, and me being a small cowerdly female dont have the guts to ask them to close the window. so in that perspective i guess becuase of my cowerdness i have not right to complain. but in all the other cases you find yourself sitting there shivering becuase this person wanted to open the window. also the onse that say they are too hot and are wearing like five layers. if your too hot, do every one else on the bus a favor and please take off your jacket, or some of your layers. we do not wanna be cold because of you

3) people who do not respect personal space: okay i get on the bus sometimes it is full and you all have to act friendly and squish together. it is understandable especially when your one of the people on the bus who is standing. but i do not get people really getting into your personal space when you have your own seats. ill give an example. so yesterday i was on the express but going down to school. and then this older lady sat beside me. normaly i prefure that if i have to sit beside someone on the bus that it be an older person. cause you can talk with them about stuff. and there is usualy less a chance that they will be a creeper. but this old lady sat down beside me pulled food out of her bag started eating and then was partially leaning over me so she could look out the window. i know i should have just asked her to traid seats that would have been a problem solver. but really lady, come on. if you want the window that bad you can ask. i dont need your food crumbs to fall into my lap just because you want to see view out of the bus window. its kind of annoying.

4) creepiers: if you have ever taken the bus you know these people. not to be sterotypical but all the creepiers on the bus are usualy men. its rare that i have run into a female creeper. they are the onse that will get on the bus and kinda stager. not becuase they have a mental dissability or anything but becasue they are sometimes drunk and its not that its a bad thing for people who have had to much to drink to get on the bus. but its the people that look dirty, smell bad, give you the really creepy vibes like oh my god please dont sit beside me please dont sit beside me. and its the fact that you probs on the 2 in the afternoon bus and they smell of alchole. I find that whenever i have the option for a double decker bus i go up stairs. it seems to wean out the creepiers. they dont go up stairs as often. i know i sound really judging people who might just be having a hard time in life. but like i said if you have ever taken a bus. especially if your female and you have taken the bus alone you know thoes vibes were your like hmmm something is wrong with that person. please for the love of god do not let them sit beside me.



those are all the people i have for now. im sure anyone who reads this can think of more types of annoying people on the bus. feel free to give me your examples in the comments.

the attack of the purity ring

this is just a disclaimer before people read this. thoes who are sensitive to my sort of talk which involves sex. dont read. although in my mind this post is very tame:

story time yay. the attack of the purity ring

so i go over to karens house. and she is trying to pick a necklass to wear before we go out and hang out for the day. Then well looking through her jewlry cabnit she finds her old purity ring and this is what happens.

me: omfg karen why do you have a purity ring lol

her: lol that was from my christain days.

me: ha ha im going to put it on

her: um laura...y?

me: for the irony. the irony of the fact that. i am wearing a purity ring. rofl

her: omg. why am i friends with you

me: shut up you love me.

*addy walks into the room*

me: he he addy im wearing a purity ring. rofl IRONY

addy: *just makes that face like omg why laura*


.... 2 minutes later


me: uh karen i cant get it off....*pulls* shit its not comming off. *starts flailing and jumping around*. I CANT GET IT OFF I CANT GET IT OFF!!!

Addy: ha ha you cant have sex till your married now.

me : no no do not want get it of get it off i dont like this im being taken over by christain belife in a ring ahhhh get it off get it off.

karen: now your pure. no sex for you lol

me: FUCK PURITY i dont wanna be pure. get off my finger you stupid ring. ( in this time there was more profanity)
...and much more flailing i think i actually started spinning around well pulling on my finger well swearing hopeing that the stupid ring would come off.

me: I DONT WANNA BE MARRIED TO JESUS GET THIS THING OFF MY FINGURE!

karen: lol

finaly i got the ring off of my finger and threw it onto the floor. were it bounced and dissapeared under a blanket.

karen: umm Laura were did my ring go?

me: i donno im free to have sex now HA HA!! die ring die.



ya that was a fun day. same day i bought a lable maker. he he he so many things in karens room now say penis. <3

a question that came to my mind becasue of addy and karen

what would you do with a drunken sailer early in the morning?

the lovely bones

i read a book this weekend that i really enjoyed and found interesting. it was called the lovely bones. its basically about a girl who is fourteen. its the seventies. and in the begining of the book she gets raped and murdered by her neibour. the rest of the book is about her family coping in its different ways. welll the book is being nararated by the murderd girl whose name is suzie. i thought it was a really interesting book the way that it showed how her family tryed to cope with the murder. and it was also showing how carefully the neibour who murdered his was covering her tracts.

( warning spoilers so if you wish to read this book without knowing what happens further i suggest your stop reading this blog post. but if you dont care then read on)

throughout the book suzies dad suspects that it was the neibour all along and is trying to prove it. doing anything to find evidence. walking his dog past the house in the middle of the night trying to see if there is anything suspect. and also his other daughter who is still alive suspects it was that neibour also so she actually breaks into the guys house trying to find evidence and of course gets out of the house just in the nick of time. the book goes through the lives of the boy she liked who also happend to be her first kiss shows how he is coping and it shows how sometimes two people who might have not even acknolaged each other before seem to find each other when some one they both know dies. and how the people that seemed like her true friends dont seem that sad they just easily move on with there life.

all in all i thought it was a really good book. it keeped me drawn and a managed to read it in two days. which is good considering that i am a slow reader all in all.

although the book was good i dont think that i would read it again. this is mainly because i was disapointed in the ending. the ending did not satisfy me. i think this was mainly because every thing did not end up being perfectly fine with suzies family. as well as the fact that even though the person reading the book knows perfectly who killed suzie. the murderer gets away with it. he is never caught. although he does get killed by an icecle , from it falling on him. at the end of the book when he movies away but it still does not seem like justice enough.

i mean here is a family in this book that is compleatly suffering over the loss of there 14 year old daughter. there 13 year old daughter who is still alive ends up being talked about at school as the dead girls sister and going through that alot of her life because she is growing up in a small town.

suzies younger brother buckly starts off being an emo 4 year old over the loss of his favorite sister and by the end of the book he is a frustrated 12 year old who hates his family and wishes everyone would move on and have a normal life. his point of view is yes she is gone. and we are all still sad but fuck just move on (me paraphrasing of course)

then there is suszies mom who compleatly breaks when this happens. she realizes she never wanted to be a stay at home mom she wanted to work, she wanted to travel. she wanted to get out and do something. so in the middle of the book she cant take it anymore after loosing her daughter she just up and leaves. and you dont see her again till the end

then there is suzies father who because off all this has and emo family and has lost his favorite daugher (he does not say it but its implyed) and now his wife. of course she comes back but the family never gets fully back together.

every thing seems in shambles. i think the book might be to realistic for me. i think thats why i did not like the ending. were the family is still a bit broken and the murderer gets away. i know the author is probably trying to show that, that is real life. the bad guys dont always get caught. and things dont always work out. and sometimes you have to really really struggle through mass amounts of pain. in hopes of one day just finding a little bit of joy.

i prefure the happy endings that is why i read fiction. i dont like to read emo. although im sure i learn more from it.

anyway that is why the ending of the book was disapointing. i guess the one good happy ending for this book was the fact that suzie who was nararating after seeing her murderer get killed by and icicle and her family managaing to grab onto a little bit of hope. she herself could move on. go to "heaven". instead of being stuck watching her family and friends for about 8 years.

i still wish there was justice. i wanted to see the bad guy caughts. i wanted to read justice. but like i said. i think the author was trying to make the point that, thats not realy life. sometimes things dont get compleatly better.

either way I'm still a sucker for happy endings

Silverstein - True Romance lyrics

I'm not here to judge you

I'm just here to tell you what you have done wrong.

Beautiful girl looking her best, takes off a towel,
Puts on a dress.
Fixes her hair to look good for someone.
Waits in a car to go to a motel.
...to a motel.

I may not always be perfect.
But I'll always try.
Will you say your prayers, just to be honest with yourself?
Will you save your soul? Is this what you wanted all along?
Husband can't bear to just lie to himself.
Stock market falls and he loses it all,
He sleeps alone for the third time this week.
He's become numb, he just wants this to be.

I may not always be perfect.
But I'll always try.
Will you say your prayers, just to be honest with yourself?
Will you save your soul? Is this what you wanted all along?

Blood on the floor.
What have you done?
Heart in your hands.
What have you done?

I may not always be perfect.
But I'll always try.
Will you say your prayers, just to be honest with yourself?
Will you save your soul? Is this what you wanted all along?

Beautiful girl sleeps by herself.
Half the bed's cold, she knows it's her fault.
She's given in and admitted defeat.
She'll be fine.

princess of the daycare

true story of one of my days at practicum

(due to confedentiality agreement i am not allwed to say were the preschool is the teachers names or any of the kids names)

little girl: miss laura. i got stuff together for you to play dress up with me. do you want to come play

me: of course (inserte name here) i would love to

little girl: okay im going to dress you up now

--- the girl then preceds to put five necklaces on me. four braclets. a crown, a yellow featherd wig, a crown on top of the yellow feather wig, some sea shells on top of that crown and some strings of beads on top of that.

little girl: there. now your princess laura!!!

me: oh thank you.

class teacher: wow look at miss laura doesent she look silly

little girl: shes a princess

other little girls: I WANNA BE A PRINCESS DRESS ME UP.

original little girl: miss princess laura go look at your self in the mirror

me: i would love to but i have a fear if i move all the pretty things that you put on me will fall off

---i attempt to stand up and look in the miror. as i stand up i can feel and hear all the sea shells the wig and one of the crowns falling off my head. so i take everything else off so some of the girls can dress each other up

original little girl: oh no..all of your stuff came off. dont worry we can help you and dress you all back up again!!!!


---this happend about 3 or for times during the day. oh the joy of being a princess in a preschool setting :D

gahhh

im coughing, im congested. im tired. i wanna sleep. i am gettin drained from school and i think it is happening faster becasue i am sick.


ahhh dieing. i just wanna get better. i dont like this feeling. i dont like having to breath out my mouth and have my lips become dried and chaped. i dont like feeling physically drained ..i get home and i just wanna sleep.

but i managed to slug through my homework today. luckly i have a mom who wants to look after me and make me feel better.

i really hope i get better soon if not for my sake, for the sake of the kids at the preschool that im working at. i will feel horrible if they catch a cold from me.


compleatly off topic..i have random urges to watch repo the genetic opera and my fair lady which is kinda funny cause even though thoes two movies are both musicals they are compleatly different.

school, my future, and my lack of social life.

there is a saying that i heard, and that i also currently have as my facebook status. "sleep, a social life and good grades. you are in college you can only have two of the three". well looking at this year i am honestly believing that, that is true. i have six courses this semester and that is including a practicum. i think i might be running on lack of sleep because i think if i have to go an entire semester without seeing friends i might go a little crazy suffering from cabin fever or something.

but it will be worth it at the end of these two years. i was talking with some of the girls that are in my ECCE classes (early childhood care and education). if you did not know already that's what I'm going to school for. to be a preschool teacher. there was one girl who got offered a job already that is how desperate this job market is. apparently the girl who runs the preschool that she was volunteering at said that when she was done her two years at college getting the degree that she should go back and she will get a job at that daycare. other girls in my class were saying things like oh ya..there are so many preschools in Victoria that are desperate good trained workers its ridiculous. and i have been hearing that they are very desperate for work down at the military base.

but as i look around and i see all these girls in my class a little bit of worry comes over me. oh shit yes these are girls that i am going to be come close friends possibly with some of them because i will have every class with them. but when school is done, and we have graduated. all these girls will be all the people i will be competing with for the jobs out there. where i will have to prove that i am the one that should be hired....that will be fun *note sarcasm*.

i get a little bit less worried about competing with them when i hear a large group of the girls saying that they are just getting this degree so they can have a temporary job that makes them more money then there currant job. then they can go to uvic and get a different degree. hmm so that knocks down some of the competition, but it seems that a lot of the girls in the class don't see this degree as something that will lead to a career but instead a temporary job.

i on the other hand am looking at it as a career opportunity. something that i wanna do with my life because its what i enjoy doing. but there is the little voice inside me wondering if i am going about the wrong way seeing as a good deal of people in my class are not seeing this future job as a career. should i be worried by that? or happy because i will have a little less competition when i graduate.

another thought do i want to work as soon as i do graduate. if i can find a good paying job right away sure. but i don't know what the chance of that really is. even though it sounds good from talking with the girls in my class.

i was thinking more along the lines of traveling when i graduate. there are so many programs were if your young and in your twenties you can go to another country and work in orphanages, or work in preschools. and you can go and do that for a year. that is what i think i would really like to do once i graduate. cause when i graduate i will be 22 that will still be really young. i would rather have the degree then go and work with children that really need help in some orphanage in another country. kids that need the workers and the help. it will be draining. but that is what i wanna do. that seems as more of a way to make a difference then in the preschools here. not that i would not love to work with kids here.

anyway this tangent should probably come to an end. to summarise. i hope i don't die from school this year. i really wanna travel to another country and work in an orphanage or something when i graduate. but if i get offered a good paying job were the people cannot wait for me to come back, or travel for a little bit i guess i will have to take it so i don't come back from traveling with no job opportunities.

do i think to much about my future?

back in san fran from L.A

I'm going to try and make this quick because Fiona is sitting beside me trying to use facebook. yay for point form summarising what has happened to us.

-woke up went to la
- got tricked into going into the airport
-at to pay 13 extra dollars to get to hostel by shuttle, shuttle driver got lost, and thought we were from England could not get it in his head that we were from Canada. thought we drove on the left side of the road...he did not shut up
- had to share a bed the first night cause we got there so late
- got half price for sharing a bed
- went to beach
- got burned
- went to beach again
- got burned again
- meet stalker...bought us alchol. would not leave us alone
- he got the hint and left
- partied with people from all over the world in hostel
- got drunk threw oranges at Swedish guy
- got drunk climbed on roof
- flimed myself and Australians climbing on roof
- went to knots berry farm
- went to Hollywood
- chilled by beach tyred to stay covered cause i turned red from the sun. it hurt to wear underwear.
- came back today
- went shopping
- tyred to up date blog in point form.

having a blast missing every one Fiona's still waiting for computer so that's why this is my attempt to say what happened well keeping it short. miss you guys.

day 3 in cali

so last night fiona and i decided to go and look for china town. that was lots of fun. and there was a crap load of cheep gift stores down there. i have so far bought as of today william, rachel and matthew oh also my mom gifts. i also bought myself something else. anyway ya china town was cool. all lit up at nght. looked like a mini vegas. then we walked through little italy, i felt like i was actually in italy. it was weird. walking through one part were everyone was speaking chines to every one speaking italian.

we took the trolly back to the hostle last night. our hostle is clean and nice. its funny thought cause its right across the street from the hilton.

today we went to fishermans warf again. lots of cool shops. wanted to go to alcatras but its sold out. there was a music box store and there was a tiny gift bag phantom of the opera music box. me being me could not resist buying it. there were bigger ones that were actual snow globs but i did not wanna try and get that back without it breaking. bought my moms gift at the market aswell.

here is a hint mom: its a shirt.

not going to tell you what it says but i think you will like it. cause well i like it and you seem to like to steal my cloths so i think youll like it.

we wanted to see golden gate bridge today but they are doing construction so maybe we will have better luck next time. for tonight we are just haning out in the hostle with people. because we have to wake up early and catch a bus to LA tommorw.

still having a blast

dont worry addy ill get you candy from disney land!!

day two in california

its my second day here in san francisco. so far fiona and i have had fun. this is going to be a quick post cause im heading out soon to go and explore china town so dad, and other editors please try and ignore all spelling errors.

we wondered down to castro today and took lots of pictures of rainbow flags. and i bought my friend stephan a present. sorry stephan but its not what you wanted cause i dont wanna get stoped at customs on the way back with a calender from castro in my bag..that would be embarassing. we also went to hight and ausbery(i know im saying that wrong). omg soo many pot shops. and hippy stores. i bought myself a shirt.

last night fiona and i wondered around till like ten at night. we walked down to fishermans warf and back that was fun. there was a random band set up infront of old navy.


anyway im having lots of fun. and im staying safe.

ps fiona and i saw a drag queen kinda in castro and wanted to take our picture with him but thought he would be offended if we asked. oh well. he seemed cool.

dont worry mom and dad. everythings good

going to california

today is my last day at home. then i am heading off on a plane with fiona towards california. hoping to be a hippy in san francisco . chill on the beach in santa barbra, and hit up as many amusment parks as we have money for in L.A. it should be a party full of adventures and i am exsited to get off of this little island that i call my home for a bit.

fiona who i am traveling with is bringing her laptop i belive, or at least she said that she was the last time that we talked. so i will try to update this blog with anything interesting that happens to us in the next two weeks.

im exsited. dont worry i will come back.

peace, love, rock and roll <3

a night out with mom

last night i was bored and i decided that i would hang out with my mom. i know not the normal choice of a young adult on a afternoon when one could be out partying with friends and such. but i desiceded that i have not hung out with her in a while and it would be good to just go out to a movie with her and hang out. and there were a number of things that i discovered/learned when i went out with my mother last night.

1) mothers are way to easy to freak out when your driving: weather you are doing this on purpose or not. my mom started getting uneasy when i was driving a little bit over the speed limit and i only had one hand on the stearing wheel. being the irrisponsible young adult that i am. when my mom starts lecturing me to drive better. i start to drive worse. in my mind this seems like a better way to get her off my back then telling her to be quiet. this results in her yelling and me driving worse untill she shuts up and backs off and i start driving like a civilized person again. you would think my mom would stop being a back seat driver cause if she keeps that up one day she is going to kill us all.

2) its scary how the little things make you realize just how much like your mother you really are: so we were both sitting in the teater watching a movie. we were laughing at the same points at the same times. and there was one point in the movie were i was leaning against the arm rest with my hand under my chin. my left leg crossed over the right, my foot swining, and my left arm resting on my lap. and i looked over at my mom and she was doing the exsact same thing. i started to wonder did one of us subconciasly copy the other or is this just in our genes.

3) mom can make fun of old people too: it was so funny there was this old lady in the teater who keeped yelling oh no..oh no..no no no..oh no. she was getting to into that movie. and my mom and i started laughing everytime we herd her say it. then on the drive home my mom actually commented on it and we both started randomly yelling oh no and laughing even more.

4) with my mom sometimes i can talk about anything: so on the drive home from the movie. for some reason the topic of sex came up. i dont remember why or how but it did. (note for readers: not that im planning on having sex anytime soon but you know the topics do come up) in the end my mom ended up saying something like well just make sure you love they guy when you do anything. and use protection. and if you do get pregnant...ill take the kid, if your not ready. i could not help but laugh..leave it to my mom to take a serious conversation and turn it into her some how getting another little kid to look after... and i also really liked the fact that she actually had a conversation with me instead of using the parental bullshit scare tactics to prevent ones daughter from having sex. like i said not anytime soon just good to talk.


ya so that was a fun night. who would have thought you could have inside jokes with your mother...and have a blast.

OH NO OH NO..NO NO NO rofl

derailed train of thought on censorship

hello two people who read my blog it has been a while. so i have something to say. and i am going to start off by saying very bluntly this is not going to sound as good as any rant does in my head. because that is always the case. but i think this is something that needs to be said because it has been floating around in my head for a while. and i know that i have ranted about this in person before to some of my friends.

do some parts of the society that we live in seem like a double standard. for example we are allowed to have free speech. but then there are certain words in society that we are not supposed to say. these words are classified as bad. (i think George Carlin did the best rant about this but i still need to rant anyway). why are words considered bad. it is not written in any official papers that the word fuck or ass or bitch or cunt (sorry dad if your reading this blog i know you don't like your daughter using these words) or any other number of words considered bad. why do people chose to take a simple thing and label it as wrong or bad or demeaning. why are things being so weird in this society?

why is nudity no longer considered liberating in are society like it once was in the 60's and 70's why are people always trying to censor these freedoms. let me put it this way i have gone skinny dipping a number of times. and when i laugh and tell my mom or my dad that i have done this they are fine with it.. they tell me stories of how people would do it all the time when they were growing up. you would just go to a lake and swim ,bathing suit would not matter. it was just normal. but if i were to tell the exsact same story to some of my more ...lets say Christan friends. they would start to feel uncomfortable and wonder why in the world would i want to go swimming naked with a bunch of my friends why would i not want to have some "decency" and stay covered.

my question is why is the human body being seen as something to be covered and something to be ashamed off? why are people being taught from different angles not to feel confident. did you know legally it is okay for a women to walk down the street without a shirt on? guys can do it and so can we. but you never will see a girl do that. not that I'm yelling and saying hey girls its summer take your shirt off, get out there. because i can not see my self walking down the street without a shirt. well maybe if i was wearing bra. that's another thing. why is it such a big deal if a girl is walking around in her underwear. *gasp* omg not something that looks exsactly like a bathing suit (note sarcasm).

words and our body's are being censored and claimed bad. i get dirty looks or scolded if i was to just walk around naked and start yelling out swear words. like fuck this and fuck that. i will admit i do censor my self around little kids because in that department it is the parents choice..to is appropriate i guess. but around any one else i should be able to say fuck and hell and shit ass,cunt dick, slut(side not seems more girls, or at least in my group are bringing this word back and using it in a loving term, slut,bitch and whore is a new way of saying hey bud i love you). but you know i really don't get it. words are powerful that i understand and yet some of them are not supposed to be said. we are told by people that we are young and to get up and speak our mind but not to speak our mind if it includes certain things. speak your censored mind, speak your mind if it is appropriate for all to hear. fuck that shit.


i wanna sing loud in the sunshine and pray hard in the rain. and if i chose to do so, naked, swearing and covered in mud. that should be my choice. (urge to go streaking in the rain on a muddy day growing)

there are so many issues in this world that involve politics, and the earth that i could be jumping on but for some reason the one that bugs me the most is censorship. i think that's why i buy random movies about a kid starting his own radio show so he can say whatever the hell he wants. why i like watching movies that push the limits like anything Kevin smith that has done. people my not agree with me on this but i think weather you like him or not you have to admit that Seth mcfarline is a pretty influential guy on today's generation. he pushes the limits on what is and is not appropriate to be shown on TV. he makes his audience uncomfortable. and sometimes the things in his show family guy can seem just plain stupid. but you know if you look at it. you can also ask yourself why am i offended by what he is showing? why do people find the need for this to be censored? why was this showed never aired?

question your feelings!!! ask yourself why you think somethings are appropriate and others not. why do some words like slut or bastard or queer hurt yet others might not?

and example of this going back to this is the whole language and power of words thing. I'm going to use the word fag. people use this as a negative towards gay people all the time but it does not have to be like that. i remember talking with my dad about my uncle who just so happens to be gay. and my father used the word fag. i was immediately taken back by this..wonder how my dad could use that word. seeing it as wrong at the time. i asked him dad why would you say this word... especially considering that your talking about your brother. my dad started to explain to me how it is not the word itself that is bad but it it how you use it. i then asked my dad if he ever called my uncle a fag to his face. my dad said yes. i then asked if my uncle minded. my dad said no. i paused to think about this conversation and realized how absolutely right my dad was about this whole statement. it is not the words that are bad it is how you use them and say them.

i donno. censorship pisses me off. i am getting tired of censoring myself. i don't swear at home because my parents don't want it to come out of me. but i swear with my friends. some would say its a youth way of rebellion but if that is so then how come you see groups of "grown" adults act the same?

this train of thought is slowly coming to and end. or derailing and coming off the tracts because i don't no how to end it. so i think i will end of saying something that was said in that movie that i bought and just watched about the kid who started his own radio station.

talk hard. don't be afraid to say what you feel, and stand up for your actions.

also here are some recommended viewings

7 words by George Carlin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmZfYyctiuo

and a video by a YouTube viewer that i like : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rPjzJUG1l0


if you have parents in the room who you have to censor yourself around i suggest you wear head phones for the first vid. enjoy

frustrated laura is frustrated

yay for a bad day. i hate thoes days were you wake up and they end up being bad partly because of your own grumpyness but mainly just becasue bad events. so it started bad with me waking up at 4:40 which i had to wake up for because i had to work at five thirty. but i was kinda grumpy. so most of work was good. the customers were not that bad. sometimes they can be massive jerks but that is only because they are grumpy themselfs because they are stuck in an airport or something. on my breaks i personally made my bad day worse i think. not going to go into it but i did. then at 12:30 the red head showed up. now if you have read my blog before you will know right away that she is the reason for most of my strife at work. she has made alot of people unhappy and im sure the only reason why my boss has not fired her is becasue we are so desperate for people to work right now that she needs the employee. so the red head showed up complaining about the state of the kiosk and then procesded to start doing random tasks instead of cashing in like she is supposed to.

me getting frustrated cashed out and got out of there not wanting to wait to see what else she will want to lecture me with. then when i get to the other side of security to work at the main store. guess who calls the main store to complain? if you guessed the red head your right. she starts complaining about how i did not bring anything over and how its not fair to her. and all that other bullshit. so i politly try to explain that normally when coworkers come over to take over the kiosk they call first and see if there is anything that needs to be brought over because it is not fair for the morning person to have to bring stuff over in the morning, and then bring stuff over for the afternoon person as well. but did the red head listen. oh no she continues to lecture me compleatly ignoring what i just said. so i tell her to make a list and we will sort out getting her the things that she needs.

2 minutes later after this conversation she calls again. and another coworker answeres and says that the red head is specifically asking for me. again she is talking to me on the phone for ten minutes lecturing me, saying that i need to get stuff done and all that crap, be more effecient. eventually i look over and see my other coworker motioning for me to just hang up. so i tell the red head that im busy and that there is lots to do and lots of customers so i have to go and get back to work, i cant stay on the phone and talk with her. i think the offends her becasue in an angry tone she kinda says "well i have work .. and customers to. bye" then get this she fucking hangs up on me. what the hell. okay. then becasue she refuses to talk with me for the rest of the shif (which i dont mind but is kind of childish). she is getting the security gards at the airport to deliver the list of things that she needs.

instad of just picking up the phone and calling us so we can write everything down. omg this coworker is enought to make me want to quit. and the sad thing is no one else in the store likes her either. after we got the list. no one wanted to actualy go over to the other side and give the stuff to her for fear of hearing her rant and complain and all of her usual bull shit.

so that was part of the bad day. then when i got out of work i called a friend thinking i was going to hang out. which she still wanted to but we were originally go swimming but that go cancelled. i was totaly cool with that but i thought i should be nice and call my mom and let her know the change of plans.

we were going to go swimming at the beach down by a family friends house. so i was going to grab there cool 12 year old daughter karlee and make her come down to the beach with us. so when i called mom she said that she told karlee that we were comming and that she was exsited to go swimming and such.

great now im thinking i have to tell a 12 year old who loves to hang (and make fun of me) that we are not comming afterall. this turns into an argument with my mom asking her why she had to tell karlee that we were comming cause now we have to tell her we are not. and i get to be the royal bitch who just cancelled on her becasue the overall group does not want to go to the beach. so now we have an angry mom.

then as i get off the phone and start to walk to my car to go. i get attacked by a fucking crow. this stupid bird flew up and attacked me right in the head. i think it might have scrached it. i think it has babys or something close by. cause it was attaking everyone near the airport entrence. no one warned me. fucking bird i think im going to take a base ball bat to work. kill the fucking thing.

then i saw my manager go into work. and she was talking with my other coworker who i think was ranting about the red head on my behalf. so now my boss is probs having to deal with the red head. and getting an earfull about me

every one but the red head likes me at work. the red head actually said to my boss that i should be fired for doing nothing. I DO MORE THEN HER. at least i dont complain 80% of the fucking time im at fucking work.

forget the crow maybe i can take a bat to the red head lol..jk of course.

so now im calming down and making myself feel better with some vinyl(records) and junkfood

god i hope tommorow is better

adventures

you have to love adventures. even if they dont work out the way that you would like them to. so addy, karen and desided to go up island to courtney on an adventure. we took the train up there and back. this is going to disapoint karen a bit but i am not as much of a train enthusist as she is. i would rather go on a road trip. i mean. i would definitly chose the train over the grey hound cause its more comfortable and its cheeper. but if i had the option to drive i would. anyway so sunday morning we get up early and we catch the ten oclock train. this is a five hour train ride (so long) but it was fun. there were lots of pictures taken on that train ride. there were actually lots of pictures taken in general on that trip but alot of them were taken on the ride up.

then once we got to courtney it was a ten minute walk to our hotel. we chilled for a bit then addy and i desided to go on a quest for irn bru. but this irn bru was not technicly in courtney. oh no that would be way way way to easy. it was supposed to be in quality foods in comox. so addy and i desided to go for a long walk to the store. i was stupid as usual and wore jeans. so we walked an hour and a half in the scortiching heat to comox. when we got to qality foods they were out of irn bru. (fuck fuck fuck). oh well we had an adventure although im pretty sure that i got a bit of heat stroke because i had a burning head ache for the rest of the night. addy felt pretty bad and i was kind of a bitch and buged her about it a bit to much. i was joking but sometimes that can go to far. we took a taxi back to our hotel so that we would not have to walk an hour and a half in the heat to get back. that was like 20 bucks right there to get back.

once we got back i desided to go for a swim in the pool with karen to cool off. addy went up the road to look at the lybrary. then i kinda just zoned out in the hotel room grabing my head trying to make the trobbing pain go away. and addy went for a walk. and checked out hot shirtless guys apprently and got comments on her awesome shirt. which is actually my led zeppelin houses of the holy shirt. (addy i want that shirt back. i will lend you a different zeppelin shirt if you want but i want that one,). then karen and i took some amusing videos. which addy was included in later once she got back.

fiona was supposed to hang with us but unfortinitly she did not get out of camp untill around ten and did not show up till around 10:30-11. the sleep was not that great there were people yelling and running up and down the hotel slaming doors and knocking like crazy. silly drunk people. it was not untill about 2 in the morning that i could not take it anymore so i called the front desk and complained and eventually it got quiet and i got some sleep.

then the next day (today) was full of the train ride back. i actually sleeped for most of that. it was cute though at one point i woke up and in the seat across the aisl from me there was this little kid and she was waking up from sleeping also. we both sort of had that sort of grogy sort of just woke up stare on us. and we were both kinda out of it and looking at each other. so i waved at her. and she waved back. she was cute.

also as i stared out the constant amount of trees going by the little kid in me was thinking how awesome it would be to just live in a giant tree house. not like a kids tree house. but to actually have enough money to hire professionals to build an actual house that could be in trees and live in it. then i started thinking if i was that ritch and i actually did that i would not want just to live in a tree house paradise. although it would be awesome. i would want to actually do something with my life. i mean if i was that ritch i would still want to be a preschool teacher. then i thought.

OMG

how awesome would it be to have that much money build a tree house/ preschool. aslong as it was safe enough. how many kids would want to go to that school. how awesome it would be. well i guess my house would be higher up in the tree. the school would have to be lower, so incase kids fall they did not hurt. basically not in the tree at all. but still it would be pretty freaking awesome.

then after this thought i fell asleep again. dreaming about wonderfull things such as living in a tree. being like tarzan and jane. running away from civilizaton and just living in the woods.

if only.

coughing and dieing

im sick im tired and i feel gross. i am running on high lack of sleep becasue last night i was not able to sleep due to the fact that i was coughing my lungs out most of the night. my lips hurt becasue my nose was pluged and i had to sleep with my mouth open. sure my nose is fine when im awake but as soon as i want to sleep its pluged. i feel sweaty and gross becuase i think this is a feaver. i keep coughing. it wont stop. my dad is in the other room working. my mom is at work. all i want right now is for my dad to be like laura your to sick to go to work. go back to bed i will call them. i feel disgusting, and i just want someone to look after me.

i know that im 20 but is it wrong for me to still kinda want to be looked after when im sick? i cant call in sick my self becasue everytime i try they make me come in anyway. and pluse i will feel guilty becasue they did just give me this upcomming monday off so that i can go on an adventure up to courtney with addy and karen. i really hope im better by then. i mean its not like i can cancell on them or they are out money and cant go up becasue they need an adult (someone 19 or older) to check into the hotel. and thats me. so either way i am going to go. i just really dont wanna go and get addy and karen sick. i dont wanna make them suffer from lack of sleep becasue i am coughing all night.

my dad had this same flu or whatever it was well i was hosue sitting at stephans. and he said it lasted him a week. oh fuck i really hope it does not last a week. ..im coughing alot still. i was in my bathroom and i coughed so much i felt like i was going to throw up. i hate it when that happens. ahhh please let me be better by sunday. or at least make it so im no longer coughing in the middle of the night i dont wanna keep my friends up. maybe if i take one of karens sleeping pills i will be out of it. and wont cough and then they can get sleep also.

ahh i dont want to go to work. im exausted i just want to crawl back into my bed and attempt to catch up on some of the sleep that i did not get last night.

i want someone to look after me well im sick.

chocolate the unicorn

once apone a time there was a little unicorne his name was chocolate

chocolate wanted to rule the world

but there was one thing that was preventing him from doing tha. that was the lack of aposable thumbs

how could a unicorn rule the world if he cant even open a door?

so chocolate when on a mission to find a dr that would give him an abosable thumb

he first clinic he went up to looked friendly enough

but when he got there he saw that there were protesters holding up sighns and yelling things

saying things like to give a unicorn aposible thumbs was an abomnation against god, and that if god wanted unicorns to have thumbs they would have been created with them

chocolate thought that these people were silly

chocolate the unicorn was pro choice to getting aposible thumbs. were these people were pro originality. they belived that he should stay the same

feeling uncomfortable around all the crazy protesters chocolate desided to go to a different clinic to get thumbs

but as he keeped seeing the good ones he also saw more and more protesters getting ruder and ruder. feeling uncomfortable and ashamed becasue they were putting him down. chocolate continued to look for a doctor without protesters that would give him a thumb

finaly he had to go to a back ally one. were it was cheep and dirty but the doctor was willing to give him a thumb. and there were no protesters because no one knew where this pace was unlike the clean safe hospital places were all the protesters were that were getting all up in chocolates face and frightend him

unfortinitly the doctor at the back ally hospital did not have a dr degree so he was not a real dr. and he killed chocolate. chocolate would have lived if he had access to a safe place to get a thumb. but he did not. because crazy protesters were alway harrasing him....THE END

up comming adventure

question. what happens when you mix an addy with a laura with a karen


--- addy+ laura+karen

then you add un the urge for irn bru

-----addy+ laura+ karen+ irn bru

then add in the 438 km round trip to and from courtney to get the iron bru


-----addy + laura+ karen+ irn bru+ 438 km


----then minuse about 80 dollers each so thats about 240 dollers


---- addy+ laura+ karen+ irn bru+ 438 km
______________________________
240 dollers

dont forget some how round/factor in the exsitement. or giddy girlness. not to mention others might be comming. and all the general all around crazy ness that happens with us so



1000% CRAZYNESS times two (addy+ laura + karen+ iron bru + 483 km)
________________________________________________________
lack of sleep (240 dollers)


==EPICLY EPIC ADVENTURE



this sunday and monday are going to be fun!!!!

grumpy

ahh so i did not get a good night sleep. it was too hot. i could hear stephans hampster in its cage most of the night. the dog barked several times. the tenants were playing some kinda of music that had to much base for me to just tune out and sleep through. then some neibour decided to get out a power washer which was really loud that i could hear from here. the other neibour's kids have not stoped yelling. which i can understand kids yell and have fun but when your tired and grumpy its like ahhh what the fuck.

i feel sweaty and gross because it was way to hot last night but i dont have time for a shower cause i have to go to work soon.

im grumpy so im jelouse of addy who gets to just stay home and chill today. more and more latley my days off have just felt not that relaxing. my days off have not be days to myself. now dont get me wrong i love hanging with my friends and most of the time i do it is because it was my idea in the first place. but it is catching up with me. and realy making me wonder why people work there whole life in jobs that they hate. i am so glad i am going to school in september to learn to become a preschool teacher. a job that will no doubt make me tired just as much as anyother job would. but at least i will enjoy it. instead of waking up in the morning and thinking fuck, i have to go to work again.

i really wanna go to the lake. it is so hot out. and the last time i was supposed to go to the lake it rained.

maybe i can convince someone to wake up early and go to the lake with me on sunday before it is too busy and that way. i will still have time to come home and get changed to go out to the dress up dinner.

things are getting broken at the hosue we are house sitting. from the dog and other stuff. i dread having to explain this to the people who own the hosue when they get back.

im getting home sick for my own house. i miss my bed. and my room. i miss my family. even thought my dad sometimes has an overlywittyness and likes to make fun of me. but that is okay.

when i get off work today i am comming back to stephans, having a shower, putting on my pjs and doing nothing.

i dont want to hang with people. maybe ill just read a book or put in a movie.

the budz mom wants me to hosue sit for two weeks when im done house sitting here. i said id think about it but in all honesty i really dont want to. i just want to go home.

i need to get my full licence still ahhh
i need to get better at driving standard.

i cant fucking wait till im off this rock and out in california. its getting to the point were stimple things that is should be exsited about like getting my licence are starting to feel like a chore becuase im thinking to much about time and money and obligations.

this is fucking stupid. get me out of here

I WANT TO BREAK FREE

40 days till california

more thoughts of my wondering mind

its really easy to make matty hyper and run at tackle people (talking about the dog not my bf ...although if i bribed with cookies maybe :P)

shannon and addy can be really bipolar when they play video games at first its a hell of a lot of swearing and saying fuck and then they start singing im walking on sunshine. ha ha. i love my friends. shannon can actually sing. kinda makes me wonder why she never joined choir or something were she could make her voice even better and emphasize the talent and have other people hear it. oh well i guess some like to share there talent and other love to hide it away and wait for it to be discoverd.

i bought a shirt at blue notes the other day. because it screamed hippy to me. i love the who hippy thing. but i find it kinda ironic that im buying new cloths to look like a hippy when true hippies go thrift shops. i really wanna go downtown to value village sometime and raid there. i always come out with something cheap that fits. thrift stores are fun if you go on treasure hunts.

i really want an old army jacket. i think it would be cool. people tell me to go check out army surplus stores.but part of me does not want to give them money. i am determined to find a cool one in a thrift store or something.

work is not to bad but there are somedays when i am like why the fuck am i here. just because it makes me tired. i come to work at fivethirty in the morning today and all ready i get a phone call from ze boss. saying that stuff is getting done wrong and that i need to take the chair out of the kiosk before i start working because people are sitting and not working.

i find this a bit annoying because when your in a kiosk and everything is stocked its kinda nice to just sit...when there are no customers i mean i understand not sitting when there is a line up and people you could be convincing to sell stuff to. but there are times when there is no one to sell things to. there can be an hour or so before people show up casue everyone left on the airplane. so gahhh.

and i got off work late today cause a coworking is sick with shingles. dang.


ha ha ha shannon is swearing at addy again. yelling stuff about bannans saying that she should eat them. addy saying she does not want to eat the bannana. shannon has a boger out her nose and she cant get it. she almost lost the game picking her nose. saying that it was addys turn to win anyway. now they are in a desert.

ahh i have to work early tommorow also. but hey i get to sleep in on thrusday cause no work yay. and im going to sleep after work tommorow because i said i would hang with william when he gets off of work and i dont wanna be compleatly dead tired and end hanging out early because of my lack of sleep.

omg omg omg 43 days till im backpacking in cali with fiona.

and that involves a mini road trip to seatle with natasha.

its going to be fun.

ha ha ha shannon is going to kill me when she reads this blog and notises that i mentioned that she picked her nose. now the whole interwebs nows that she does that tehe

i have to hang with people more. matt especally, stupid tiredness, and stupid work. even thought it give me money for tavel and school books


okay this post is getting to ADD so i think im going to have to stop OH SHINNY THINGS

my wondering mind

i find it interesting how our minds skip from one topic to the next here is an example for me how i was thinking at work:


owww my sholder blade hurts.
i think i pulled a muscel
its getting better hopefully it stays that way
i google sholder blade pain and two main things came up although i dont trust google i have one of two things happend. either
a) i pulled a muscel, or
b) i have cancer

i highly doubt its cancer considering that google is not a doctor and also considering the fact that it does not hurt as much as it did two days ago it cant be cancer.
cause according to google it can only be cancer if it stays the way it is or gets worse.
stupid google thinking i have cancer.
that would really suck if i had cancer.
i would hate to go through all that treatment.
what would happen if i got cancer and then was told i only had a month or less to live. like that guy in the movie one week.
i dont know what i would do...but i wonder how many people would be sad about me dieing.
well i know people will be sad but what would be the depth of their sadness.
who would cry???? would karen cry she never crys but i think she would cry.
would addy cry...i think so also but i can also see her just having alot of rage.
i have no idea what shannon or chris' reactions would be...they would be sad, i hope. but would chris cry...i dont see him crying. not because it was me but because i just cant picture him crying.
now would shannon show rage or sadness....i donno.
fiona would be sad i know that for sure.
what about matt....oh god i dont want to think about that

why am i thinking about peoples reactions if i were to die. why does it make me happy to think of them being sad over the fact if i died.

i think its because knowing that they are sad over me being gone in a weird sort of way deffinitly shows how loved i am. even though i know that im loved.

love is a word that gets thrown around way to offten. and it is losing its purpose. i myself am guilty of doing this even though i try not to. even with simple things like i love my convertable. oh man i really have to practise driving more so i can drive that car. then i have to get my full licence. but that costs money. and i want my money to go towards california with fiona. so we can have fun and dress like hippies. that will be fun. i like being a hippy even though it annoys will.

sometimes its fun annoying will i should stop doing that. i know sometimes i cross the line and get away with it just because im a girl. which is stupid i should stop doing that and start considering things. okay zeppelinphan try not to annoy william.....as much. cause i feel bad when i annoy him. and then he retaliates. and then matt trys to defend me. then william is mad at both of us...and matt seems mad at him. thats not good. i feel like im damaging there friendship. i never want to be that girl friend that damages friendships. i allways hated thoes girls. so i dont wanna be one of the people i hate...

owww my sholder still hurts

fuck my mind

i am starting to wonder if i can take some classes to get me to calm the fuck down and stop over reacting. i am one of thoes people who always thinks up the worst possible senerio. i will give you an example of this.

say im walking home (i walked home alot in high school so shut up this works) and well im walking home this a car behind me starts to slow down. now most normal people in this world would start to think hmm well sence my house is near the ferries. they are probs slowing down to get to the ferries or to make the turn off. or maybe they are slowing down to ask directions. or maybe they live up around here and they are slowing down to turn up their drive way. but no no no none of that goes in zeppelinphans mind right away because i am the pro at overacting. the thoughts that go on in my head are. why the fuck is a car slowing down behind me. what does the driver want. maybe i should not get to close to the car..girls do get abducted.

and all these other weird senerios i used to start thinking where if it was a creeper in the car slwoing down behind me i would think in detail weather it was better to try to run to a house near by but then oh no i dont know how the people in thoes houses maybe they are creepers also..then id be fucked even more. and what if the creeper in the house and in the car know each other then i am so dead.

and my over thinking like this would actually escalade untill i got home. and i would realize wow im fucked.

i do this whole overthinking senerio shit with my friends. when i cant hear from one i start to worry that something happend. it does not help when i call there house and there parental gardian thinks that they are with me.....and i dont know what to say to them. i should stay calm but then i start to think. why would my friend tell there parental gardian that they are with me. and not tell me. i mean i dont mind lying for my friends depending on what they are going to do or wear they are going but i would like to be filled in on the fact that they are supposed to be with me so i know this.

otherwise i get worried no only that but i feel like im fucking over my friends in saying actually im sorry but they are not with me i was actually calling to find out where they are...shit.

then i once again think of worse case senerio insstead of remaing calm and thinking where are they normallywhen they are not home. and i stupidly start calling places instead of staying calm and i picture my friends in the worse case senerio and i try to think of what i can do. and i escallade situations instead of giving that friend his/her space like i should.

and this tends to not turn out good.

i really need to find some kind of school to that will teach me to calm the fuck down. becuase otherwise im eventually going to push someone over the edge.

cause as of yet..my over reacting/ overthinking situations has not helped situations but in fact made them worse.

so im house sitting. and i dont have my lappy becasue only a certain number of compys can hook up to the wireless. i tryed adding favorites in stephans computer so i have a couple. i found some of my regualar websites that i check. but i also notised that some peoples blogs dont have a follow option so i am not able to read thoes blogs...matt i need your blog link. and if anyone can recomend good websites to check out. if your going to recomend comics i already found least i could do, explosm, girls with sling shots, ctr-alt-del, and xkct or something. anyway yes.

today was fun we bought steak and went to the scottish butcher and have had fun so far and shannon and i and possibly fiona are going to go and see transformers tonight so that should be fun.

anyway addy is making dinner and i should go and help her with that. because we are all going to be eating it and its not fair to make her do all the work. plus if she does do all the work i will have to do all the dishes

i need to learn how to cook

i hate hearing hampters in the middle of the nights

stupid dog is going to sleep in addys room from now on..fucking barked

shannon yawns really lowdly when she is tired she can sleep on the couch from now on :P

anyway im off

it is fathers day

so its fathersday. the day where we are supposed to show love and respcet our dads. and with me i am 100% cool with doing this with my father.

i love giving him presents and showing him love. but i have been having a thought the past couple of days leading up to fathers day. there are really some dads in this world who do not deserve to get presents or get wished happy fathers day. i know this sounds really harsh right now but it is true. i mean i have friends who have fathers who they have not seen sence they were 14. or fathers who all around are not good people. now im not talking simply about one friend who has a dad who it apears made some bad choices in his father daughter realationship. what i am talking about is the men who are not fathers..in the sence of the word.

father:a man who exercises paternal care over other persons; paternal protector or provider.

so if your abusing and abandoning your kids. im sorry but in my mind that does not make you a father. if your being manipulative and lacking love you are not a father. if you are pushing your kids aside for your own benifite. once again you are not a father.

just because some man was too stupid to wear a condom. or some women was not smart enough to use birth control that does not make you a parent. that makes you an idiot. a parent is exsiactly what is says in the defition of father (without the male part) someone who is loving, and cares for you. not someone who is making your life more difficult. or someone who makes you struggle.

i know for me i am spoiled in alot of ways in my life. and the fact that i was born into such a loving family with parents who actually know what it means to be parents who actually care for me and look after me is one of them. parents who strive to make my life easier instead of more difficult. now one of the reasons for this i think may be partly because my father himself did not have the best father. and he is constintly struggling to make sure he does not make the same mistakes that his father did and that he is always here for us and to provide us with a loving inviroment. even though both of his kids could no longer be considered kids but instead are considered adults.

and yet as i write this another thought comes into my mind. it is the quote that goes something like you cant choose your family but you can choose your friends. this quote makes me thankful of that fact.

and then once again i place in here a definition. family:a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together.

that to me sounds like my friends. and i know for a fact that certain friends i actually do call my little sister and such. you i do fully consider family. i do wish you to know that ill be here to look out for you. that you are family.

maybe we can chose our family..maybe the quote is wrong. because that definition really makes all my friends sound like family. i would not choose to be around people i dont like.

i know im going off track with this topic. but what i think i am mainly trying to get across in this blog post is simply this. for thoes of you who do have a loving father and a good family. please do your best to show your dad that you love him today. because if he is anything like my father he deserves it. and he probably worked really hard to give you the good life that you have and to support you.
and for thoes friends of mine who dont have such a good family life or a good relationship with there father. i openly consider you my family. i would not have made you my friends other wise. because it is not just the family that you live with but the family that you choose who shape you. who make you who you are. and who you should thank every once and a while. so to thoes friends happy fathers day. you have been great to me and if we are going by the definition of father which is careing and protective you have all been fathers.(yes females can be fathers too). and i hope that some of you can see me in the same light too. but if not. all i can say is that im here for you and that i love you.

best wishes

happy fathers day <3